Secrets Best Left Hidden
by SaintJacTheGingerNinja
Summary: Jac Naylor is left terrified when an old and very dangerous acquaintance turns up at Holby City Hospital. Taken captive by this perilous character, can her colleagues save her before it is too late? Time is running out... PLEASE R&R Jac/Joe/Oliver/Sacha
1. A Mystery Man?

**Secrets Best Left Hidden.**

Jac Naylor groaned and rolled over as the silver alarm clock on her bedside table yelled its "morning surprise." Hastily, she leaped out of her double bed to find that she had barely creased the sheets. She glanced at the other side of the duvet to which she had slept – untouched. No one. But Jac Naylor was used to this. She was a loner. Jac's colleagues despised her, her only friend had disowned her, and she had lost the only man she had ever loved. He had melted the icy exterior that had shielded Jac since her childhood. His name was Joseph. Joseph Byrne. Jac shook her head almost violently, to defeat the conquering thoughts that still lingered inside her brain. She couldn't let _that_ distract her. Not now.

The room was lined with framed artwork – bright and colourful yet dark and dismal at the same time. Carelessly, the book Jac was reading the night before was sprawled across the carpet and an unfinished letter to Joseph waited expectantly for pen to meet paper again. The curtains weren't drawn, yet some leopard prints of sun light escaped through the gap between. A long, slim mirror hung between the wardrobe and window – this was something Jac had gradually come accustom to. Joseph had thoughtfully bought it for her at a market not far from Holby. It reminded her of him. He had left Holby City General Hospital almost six months before, to live a simpler life with his son in Penrith. She remembered with excruciating clarity their last moments together; he had held her in a passionate embrace and kissed her with such tenderness and fervour she had never felt before, as he took her in his arms for the final time. Jac could recall how she had begged him to stay, tears running down her cheeks. But it hadn't been enough. She had reluctantly refused to go with him and he couldn't stay. There was no solution. Stumbling, Jac made her way over to the mirror and looked herself up and down. Carefully, she took her glossy, auburn hair down from the tight bun it had been in and let it fall gently behind her back. Her skin was even paler than usual and her emerald eyes flickered like a lighted candle. Jac brushed the hair out of her face. She had high cheek bones that Joseph had thought beautiful, but she detested them. _Stop it Jac! Stop mentioning his name. He's gone! _ Her oversized pyjamas failed to outline her slim figure that most women would die for. Rubbing her eyes, Jac entered her bathroom, stripped and walked into the shower. She almost sighed in relief when the hot, soothing water washed over her body. After, she dressed, glancing into the mirror one more time. Jac shook herself. _You can do this. It's just like any other day. Just act normal. Treat patients, in and out. No preferential behaviour, no getting all connected to the patients like that mess of a woman, Sahira, does. Just do your job. _

* * *

><p>Jac Naylor glanced at her wristwatch; she was in impeccable time as normal – unlike her incompetent F2. The clock ticked louder than usual, as if underlining that Oliver was absent. After a couple of silent minutes (except the continuous ticking of the grand clock and the occasional sighs from the Ice Queen herself), Jac gave up and headed for the door. <em>Stupid F2! I bet he's hung over at the flat of his latest fling. Why did I even sleep with him last year? <em>As if in slow motion, Oliver threw the door open in frenzy, a boiling cup of coffee in his shaking hands. It leaped and sailed through the air almost majestically, getting closer to the astonished women on the other side of the door. Closer. Closer. And closer. Ollie's eyes followed the doomed cup as it clambered through the air, its contents spilling from the edges, until it sailed into the already furious Ms Naylor. He was in for it now. Jac stood motionless for a second, staring at her expensive, floral top now stained with a murky river. _I'm going to kill him! What the bloody hell is wrong with his family? First it was his sister Penny, and now… _Jac broke of -even at the mention of Penny's name in her thoughts brought back memories from the past that she would rather forget. The truth was, she was ashamed of them, and now that Penny had was dead, she would never have the chance to make it up to her. Scowling, Jac slowly glanced up at Ollie, his face contorted into something between disbelief and fearfulness.

"You idiot!" exclaimed Jac, spite imminent in her words. She was already in a bad mood, she did not need this.

"I'm sorry Ms Naylor, I didn't mean to… I'm so sorry. Let me help…" Ollie stuttered, flinching at Jac's every movement.

"No! You've done enough damage!" _He certainty has! But, I suppose it was my fault just as much as his… NO! What are you doing Naylor? He deserved to be shouted at, plus he's late! Although, he is my F2 and that's not an easy road… _Jac stared into space, unaware of the confused Ollie looking on, as her conscience battled with her mind. _Look Jac, Not Jackie, not Jacqueline, Jac. You chose that name because it meant nothing to you and you didn't have to be constantly reminded of your "family", so you have to toughen up! It's your reputation at stake here! But its Ollie… No… Do I really have a soft spot for him? Why? Its just Ollie… we had a one night stand, so what? It was a one off... Besides, I had a soft spot for him before we slept together... wait, am I really considering this? Look, it can't hurt for one time… give him a chance… just kill him later._

"Ms Naylor?" Ollie had finally plucked up the courage to bring Jac from her daydream, or her battle.

"Ollie… Look, next time you plot to kill me, make it more successful." Jac retorted, sarcasm tripping from her words. She nearly smiled at the puzzled look that had grown onto Ollie's face. She continued. "Well, now I have to get changed, and I hope you tell everyone why I'm going to be late for work!" _That came out a little harsher then intended…_

"Right." Ollie said as he turned and headed for the door.

"I've got an Aortic Valve Replacement at 12:00 if you want to assist?" Jac asked, pretending to be focused on her notes. Oliver whipped around and then hesitated.

"Sure. Thanks Ms Naylor."

* * *

><p>Jac opened her locker – it was bare except for a small oblong object in the centre of the space. Slowly, she lifted the delicate box from its metal home and prised it open. There it was. Jac could hear herself let out a breath she didn't even know she was holding, as if imagining that the precious object in front of her had disappeared. <em>Don't be so silly Jac! What was it going to do, run away? Perhaps at the sight of my face… no... scratch that… Sachas… <em>Jac smiled, a rare site. However, it soon faded as she remembered what this object meant to her. It was a silver plated shell necklace, not unlike the one Joseph had bought her on their first date. In fact, it was a gift from that very person, before he left of course. Jac had not dared wear it since. Carefully, she picked up the glistening necklace and tenderly placed it on her delicate neck. It was beautiful. So beautiful. It fit her perfectly as if it had been made especially for her; it complimented her pale skin faultlessly. Jac could feel the tears that were threatening to fall from the waves of sadness that surged through her, wanting to take her under its murky debts. She couldn't let that happen. Quickly, Jac stretched her hand out to rip the jewellery from her neck, but her hand seemed to hesitate, not knowing whether to follow her heart or her brain. _What are you doing? Joseph means nothing to you know! He left, he chose Harry instead of you, and you will always be second best to him. Just do it! _But she couldn't. Sighing, Jac grabbed a clean, blue pair of scrubs from her bag and lifted her top over her head, defeated. At that moment, the door opened.

"Ollie!" Jac yelped, snatching up her scrubs.

"Ms Naylor, I'm sorry. Again…" Oliver took a quick glance at his mentor before turning his head.

"Didn't anyone teach you to knock before entering?" Jac said, noticing Oliver's lingering eyes. At this point, Jac made sure that her rolled up scrubs were definitely positioned so that it concealed her underwear. "Get out! Now!" Jac let out a shaky breath as Oliver left the room. What was he on, some sort of bet? Suddenly, the acute sound of her pager burst the dreary silence. _Keller? _Jac thought to herself for a moment, then after dressing, headed for the stairs.

* * *

><p>A sleek, professional looking man strolled through the bustling hospital. His brown hair was a clean cut and his eyes, a dark blue, scanned the familiar surroundings. Casually, he passed some unknown faces amongst the old ones he new, as he ambled down the corridor and was being respectfully greeted by a nod of a head here and there. However, his brisk walk was unforeseeably interrupted as his eyes were drawn to a glistening panel on the nearest door. He stopped and turned. The door was a light colour with a silvery plaque drilled into the tough wood; this was engraved with bold letters. It read:<p>

**Ms Jac Naylor**

**MBBS MS FRCS (Eng) FRCSTh**

**Consultant Cardiothoracic Surgeon.**

The man smiled to himself. She had done it. Well, he always knew she would. She was Jac Naylor for crying out loud! And with that thought blossoming in his head, he made a quick swipe at straightening his tie and headed for Darwin.

* * *

><p>"You paged me?" Jac Naylor strutted behind Keller desk, eying up the mess of paperwork and the half eaten lunch nestled between patient folders.<p>

"Yes, patient in Bed 3, John Bulk, 22, may have cardiovascular complications." Sacha replied glancing at his notes. Jac whipped around and scanned the patient, an ever-growing smile creeping onto her face. "Don't!" said Sacha Levy, obviously conscious of the fact that his colleague wasn't one for sympathy. For, in the sleek, snow white hospital bed was a young, handsome man dressed as Scooby Doo.

"Have you been giving him loon tablets Mr Levy?"

"Oh come on, give him a break, his fiancé left him at the alter yesterday."

"I'm not surprised!" Jac replied, raising her eyebrows a little. "What was he wearing, a bugs bunny outfit?" Sacha looked like he was about to crack, but then he regained composure, standing up a little straighter.

"Can you just examine the patient please?"

"Fine." Jac grinned. "I'll tell him Shaggy is waiting outside shall I?"

With her stethoscopes slung around her neck, Jac headed for the nearest, but one, crisp, white hospital bed. Keller was larger than Darwin by some degree. The huge floor space was divided into sterile work zones. In each, was a segment of life, poured over by bustling figures in pink clothes. Ms Naylor had worked on Keller in her early days at Holby City as she had intended, then, to be a Gs Consultant. However, Ric had seemed to favour Diane (an ex colleague) in _all_ different aspects of their work and Jac had soon started to realise that there was no hope, in that specialty, of getting to the top. So, she soon was transferred to Darwin where she had worked with Joseph. _Yet again, I seem so determined to mention his name! What is wrong with me? It's hard to believe that he felt the same pain as I did when he left, or feels the same ache as I do now, months after his departure. Pain. That's an overused word. Much like love. But, love is known as the hardest emotion to understand and is the cause of so much pain. You only know when you have love when it is gone, out of your reach, never to return. That's what I felt when I messed everything up with Joseph, all those years ago. If there's a thin line between love and hate, then why do I not love my self? I hate everything about me, what I have done in the past, what I am going to do in the future. I am a parasite. I suck all the goodness out of someone then move on, ready to break another person's poor soul. Then why not end it all? If there's nothing to live for, than why don't you, Jacqueline Elizabeth Naylor stop yourself from hurting other people? Because, you live for your job. _Jac hadn't realised she had reached the hospital bed already, had she really been thinking for that long? She cleared her throat, trying not to make eye contact with the man in front of her, in fear of making a sarcastic comment.

"Mr Bulk? I understand you are in here for a kidney transplant?"

"That's Right… Miss...?" John questioned, examining Jac, his eyes darting up and down.

"Jac Naylor, Consultant Cardiovascular Surgeon on Darwin. May I have a listen?" Jac asked, tilting her head, indicating his chest.

"Of course." John agreed, flinching slightly as the coldness of the stethoscope hit his dark skin. Jac's brow furrowed. Intrigued, she changed the position of her stethoscope and nodded urgently. Jac was jolted from her diagnosis as Oliver joined them, obviously hoping for a chance "to shine" in surgery. Last time, Jac had just told him to dip himself in Cillit Bang.

"What do you think Dr Valentine?" Jac said, handing him the stethoscope. Oliver took the silver instrument in relish, his other hand combing his brown hair and tugging at his tie. Ollie considered for a minute.

"Sounds like a heart arrhythmia?" Jac raised her eyebrows in surprise.

"Very good." She turned to John. "Nothing to worry about Mr. Bulk but we will have to book an ESG just to make sure." Oliver leaned in towards Jac and assumed a confidential air.

"Can I ask a question?" Ollie asked, taking a secretive glance at the patient that not even Jac noticed.

"That depends."

"On what?" Ollie said, a slight whine in his elevated voice.

"Whether or not your question is relevant and if I can be bothered to answer." Jac retorted, clearly not interested, even if it was beneficial to her F2.

"Why is he dressed as a fictional character from a children's television show?"

"Because he knew you were a massive fan… How should I know?" Jac exclaimed.

"You didn't bother to ask the patient?"

"No. But if your so in love with him then why don't you take over? Yes, you will take over. I have enough on my plate on Darwin, let alone here, trying to convince the Patron Saints of Boob Jobs not to take any more of our beds." Ollie stared at his mentor.

"Are you serious?" His mouth grew wide in disbelief.

"Deadly. Close your mouth, unless you like the taste of flies!" Jac answered. Closing his mouth abruptly, Ollie self-consciously tugged at the rim of his collar as Ms Naylor strutted away.

"Great." Oliver muttered under his breath.

Jac had just passed Keller desk when someone caught and pulled her arm. She halted suddenly and her eyes followed the hand grasping her elbow to the bumbling face it belonged to. "Mr. Levy... What?"

"Why have you given Ollie _your _patient?" _Shit. _Jac's face was plastered with surprise. _How did he know that?_

"I thought he could do with a little hands-on experience…"

"No. It was because you wanted to get rid of him wasn't it?"

"Look, Sacha, I don't need this. Why would I want to get rid of my F2?"

"I can think of many reasons why you'd want to get rid of your F2." Sacha replied. Jac opened her mouth to retort something that Sacha could only assume was a sarcastic comment, so he quickly interrupted. "Look, just supervise him, ok?"

"Of course, I wouldn't have just left him there. But, on the other hand, who wouldn't want to be eaten alive by Scooby doo? Hanssen better watch out, he might get his gang on him. How I would enjoy that moment."

* * *

><p>The man entered Darwin slowly; he didn't know what the reactions would be from his old colleagues. Tweaking his cufflinks, the man resisted the urge to repeat this action several times. The expensive suit he was wearing clashed with the light green, bloodstained scrubs the surgeons were using. <em>Green? When did that happen?<em> The doctors station was less cluttered, the dark green patient folders was neatly stacked in rows of five and the computer had been cleaned quite thoroughly, the chair under it positioned beneath the desk. Stroking his head, the man's eyes swept over the room, noticing the lack of blue curtains and the gradual overtaking of red. An Irish accent, one that could only belong to Greg, shouted out orders from a nearby cubicle. As soon as Darwin desk came into site, Greg froze, staring at the man that, at this very moment, was rifling through some of Ms Naylor's old notes, his brow furrowed in concentration. It couldn't be. But, it was. "Joseph?" The man looked up at the mention of his name. Realizing he'd been spotted, he quickly dropped the folder he was holding and walked over to Greg before offering a hand. Greg took it in relish and smiled his perfect smile whilst yanking it forward to pull Joseph into an unexpected hug. "It's been too long Joe, how are you?"

"I concur. I'm very good thank you – Harrys doing well." Joseph murmured, slightly distracted as he searched the crowd for the familiar face he was craving. Greg was more bemused than annoyed at Joseph's short answer, noticing his friend's eyes darting around Darwin.

"Looking for someone?" Greg teased.

"Hmm… No, No, of course not. Just looking around." Joseph paused to do up his button on his jacket, cursing himself for being so obvious. "You don't, by any chance, know where Jac is, do you? Only she has left some notes on the desk which I think she'll need." Joseph said, only managing to stop stuttering half way through his first sentence. He had never been good at lying. Fishing out the folder he had secretly already selected, Joseph made sure that the rest of the pile was lined up accurately. He tapped the notes with his finger. "Better make sure Ms Naylor gets these before she bites anyone's head off."

"Don't worry about it. I'll get one of the nurses to send them up. Most of them owe me a favor anyway."

"No, no, I can do it. No need to bother the nurses, they already have a lot to do." Greg raised his eyebrows before replying.

"Sure. She's up on Keller with Ollie." Greg gestured towards the lift, the door of which had just, conveniently, opened. "You probably remember the way." The Irishman smiled as Joseph nodded and walked away, unconvinced that his little trip to Keller had an innocent purpose. Greg had not known he had been staring into space until a voice, issuing from behind, awoke him from his improper imaginings.

"So, who was that then?" Sahira Shah asked, her brown hair falling delicately around her cheeks as she talked.

"Joseph Charles Mortimer Byrne. Ex Ct Consultant, a super clean freak and a terrible liar."

* * *

><p>Jac Naylor nursed her ritual tiredness remedy – a mug of steaming hot coffee. This was a surgeons "fuel", it was vital to sooth the every day stress of being a doctor. As she savored the warmth of her drink, Jac could hear Greg's Irish accent float through the door of the Staff Room, chatting up a locum nurse that worked on Keller. <em>Greg? What is he doing here? This is Keller Staff room; shouldn't he be on Darwin actually working? He'd probably rather sleep with the local bimbo than do his job properly. <em>

Jac sighed under her breath, curling her lips into a disgusted grimace. She grudgingly lifted herself from her chair and, placing her coffee on the table mat, threw open the door to confront her lazy registrar. "Mr. Douglas, would you mind telling me why you are not on Darwin actually doing your job?"

"I'm sorry Ms Naylor, but there's too many attractive woman up here and I couldn't resist!" Greg pointed out, throwing a smile at the blonde nurse that stood beside him. "Besides, Sahira can handle Darwin while I'm gone."

"Well, if you'd rather chat up the local blonde than tending to your patients, consider that the next time I catch you, you'd be living on the streets with a greyhound named Shaggy and using the sport section to keep warm! Which reminds me, I have to see how my mentee is doing, and by the time I come back, you and your Juliet better have got back to work!" Greg nodded nervously and escorted his lady friend back to Keller Desk before heading for the lift. Jac heaved yet another sigh and ran her fingers through her hair. She tweaked her new-on, plain white top and exhaled heavily, rubbing her wrists with a circular motion that had always seemed to sooth her as a child. Quickly, she strutted to see Oliver, her look sleek and professional.

* * *

><p>Jac collapsed gratefully on the adjustable chair behind the desk, rubbing the hardened soles of her feet – a consequence of the high heels that had been carelessly kicked off as soon as she sat down. Suddenly, the phone she had accidently left on, tore its way through the storm that was now raging inside her head. She fumbled in her pocket for her mobile to check the Caller Id. <em>Joseph?<em> Her heart fluttered as if a bird was trapped inside her ribcage as something in her stomach tickled. _What would he want? He hasn't called me since the day he left. What could he possibly need now? _Jac could feel the pure desire to press accept hit her like a bullet, egging on her thumb as it hovered over each button. But then, anger surged through her, delving into her mind and reasoning with her conscience. Ruthlessly, she threw her phone down, hard, on Keller desk, her irritation and fury rising at each beckoning ring.

"Nice to know I'm wanted." Jac froze. Deep, grasping breaths issued from somewhere behind her. Holding herself as still as a corpse, she slammed down the notes she had been holding in prostration and found that she was unable to move her legs. _Could it be? No. But his voice sounds so similar! _"Jac?" She held out her trembling hand and pushed the hair out of her eyes. Shaking, she inhaled slowly and pinched her arm in astonishment. _It hurts! Can he really be…?_ With trepidation, she spun the chair around and came face to face with the man that broke her heart. Her throat constricted as all the words that she had so carefully prepared inside her head for this exact moment, melted away into oblivion. She just stared. "Hey Jac, Long time no see."


	2. Runied Relationships and Dark Secrets

Jac slowly rose from her chair, still lost for words and trembling. She wavered for a moment as if she was going to fall, and then steadied herself by clutching the back of her chair until her knuckles turned white.

"Joseph…? How…? Why…?" Jac could barely form the words.

"Hey. Hanssen's requested my assistance on a special operation down here. And I could only oblige." Jac's heart sank. _So he didn't come back to see me then._ She found herself attracted to his baby blue eyes that were innocently staring down at her; she could see no desire in them, or regret, or pain. He was happy. Then why wasn't she? She could feel the tears that were threatening to fall behind the mask she had shielded herself with, and pushed them back, determined not to show any weakness. As Jac felt that wave of anger again, she gritted her teeth, glaring at the once "love of her life."

"What! So, he decides that an ocdc, single parent from Penrith is a better option for performing this "special" procedure then his own, fully prepared Ct consultant? I'm not having it!" Jac retorted, anger pure, tempestuous and recognizable in her words. Joseph looked slightly hurt at her answer, his mouth dipping at the edges to form a small frown. Jac whipped around in enragement, eyes blazing like the fire that had grown inside her, ready to confront Hanssen. Although a tough leader and a strict disciplinarian, Henrik did have a soft side – unfortunately not with Ms Naylor. Quickly, Jac made to step, but Joseph caught and softly pulled her shoulder back, so she was compelled to look into his enticing eyes again.

"Considering your previous record and your reputation, do you really think it is a good idea to barge into Hanssens office?" advised Joseph, his blue eyes staring, unblinkingly and seriously, into Jac's green ones, his face lacking the warmth it usually had. _Is that concern in his eyes? It's hard to tell with Joseph, but I suppose it's harder to guess what I'm feeling. If it is concern, than perhaps he still cares for me. I mean, we could, at least, be friends. But, can I forgive him for what he did? _Jac blinked, exhaled, and gently pulled Josephs still lingering hand off her shoulder. _  
><em>"I suppose… Well… I better get back to work. TV show characters to save and all that." Joseph furrowed his brow and inclined his head at this last remark, but soon dismissed it as a misinterpretation.

"Um… yeah… of course." Joseph gingerly placed his hand on Jac's elbow and leaned in towards her. The only thing Jac could hear was the inhaling of her breath, and her heart beating in her chest. But, her anger resurfaced and she found herself turning her head away. The hurt on Josephs face seemed unmissable, but that didn't deter her at all; she had hurt him so many times it was a familiar sight. However, slight guilt fought its way into the warzone that was now her mind as she closed her eyes, silently cursing herself.

"I better…" Jac aimed a finger at Ollie, who was still oblivious to his old colleague's arrival. Joseph spent a minute or two composing himself, then brushed his hand against Jac's and muttered a disgruntled "Yep." his voice edged in embarrassment. Gradually, after many silent moments, he stepped aside so Jac could pass. As she strode to Ollie, Jac slowly traced the outline of her fingers to banish the tingly feeling that had overtaken her hand from Joseph's last touch. _Was it right to deny him my kiss? He has to learn that I'm not just a pit stop that he comes to whenever he needs a break or sympathy. I'm not ready to just forgive him like that. It took him just under five years to forgive me properly. It's just, I find that I'm still so attracted to him – like a moth to a flame…_

* * *

><p>"Is there anyone we can call for you?" Oliver had just asked John Bulk as Ms Naylor arrived. Ollie looked to her for praise at his professionalism, something he had just mastered in the previous weeks. Jac thought otherwise, besides she was still distracted from the last encounter with Joseph.<p>

"Well, don't stop on my account." Jac answered. Slanting his head, Oliver widened his eyes for a second when his back was turned away from his mentor.

"Mother, Father, Wife… girlfriend?" he continued.

"No, no, I wouldn't want them to worry." John replied with a dismissive wave of his hand.

"Are you sure? There's a chance there's going to be complications when you have your kidney removed." Oliver added, his tone of voice set to persuade.

"Well, I suppose ringing my parents won't hurt."

"We'll see what we can do." Jac interrupted, making John swing his head rather rapidly to the other side of the bed. "Ollie." Oliver looked set to complain, but Jac cut him of with a swift glare and he trudged back to Keller desk to make arrangements. Jac turned to go, assuming the conversation had ended, however was pulled back yet again by the sound of Mr. Bulks voice.

"Do you believe in fate Ms Naylor?" John questioned, looking into the distance. Jac rolled her eyes.

"No."

"Why?" John replied, confused at her abrupt answer.

"Because I don't like the idea of not controlling my life."

"Fair play, its just I believe everything has a reason, every person has a purpose, their place in society, their rewards, and their comeuppance. Everyone has a path that they must follow."

"Well that's very insightful, but I have lives to save so…" Jac retorted, sarcasm entering her words now after she had tried so hard to stop it.

"And I also believe that there's a person out there for everyone and no matter how hard things get, if you are meant to be you are meant to be." Jac raised her eyebrows and was about to protest when Joseph apprehensively walked behind her, mouthing something she couldn't quite understand. She motioned her confusion and he repeated his words.

"We need to talk." _This is just what I need. Lord Snooty on my case._

"Well, I better get on then." Jac said, placing John's notes in their container, throwing a quick, forced, smile at her patient and walking off past Joseph, ignoring his every move to speak to her.

"Jac?" Joseph followed in her wake. The sadness in his words was so apparent that Jac gave into his plea.

"Joseph, you made your choice and I respect that. You had to do it, for Harry. But, you ended up hurting me. Not that I haven't hurt you before, mind…" Jac sighed through her words. "Let's just call it even."

* * *

><p>Jac breathed shakily, grasping another cup of steaming coffee, rejoicing as the hot sensation hit her cool skin. She had retreated to Keller Staff Room; the window was wide open and the weather outside hazardous, sending an army of cold rain over the already shivering figure crouching on the settee. The storm did not discourage her at all; in fact the cool temperatures were welcomed as the drops fell like fresh tears across her cheeks. The look of grief that was plastered on Josephs face just moments before had been engraved into her mind, replaying the painful scene over and over again.<em> Why? Why did I have to say that? <em>Jac dug her fingernails deep into the palm of her hand, relishing the blank the pain provided. After much hesitation, she opened the door and stepped outside. That's when she saw _them._ She leapt back in shock, narrowly missing a meds trolley, the blinding lights from the ceiling spiraling around her. A shiver crept down her spine. Her heart thumped in complaint. Sheer terror, like nothing she had felt before, exhumed her, threatening to pull her down into darkness. Down. Down. And Down. The world around Jac seemed to have zoned out, her green eyes transfixed on the man near Bed 3: the movement of his hands, the slight lick of his lips, the sweat pouring down his brow. The nurses brushing past her, the yells of the other patients, it all seemed so meaningless to her know. Her whole body seized up. Jac could feel her breath quickening, and soon found her self gasping for air. Deep breaths issued from somewhere behind her. Startled, she skipped sideways a little, feet tangling and fell to the ground, the folders flying out of her arms. Quickly, she scrambled to pick them up, slightly disorientated, and was met with… an outstretched hand. Gradually, her eyes travelled upwards and the face of Joseph Byrne was her first sight, barely managing not to smile. She accepted his hand, feeling a blush ascend her body. Not that it made her face. Jac Naylor never blushed.

"Thanks. But, next time, feel free to do that weird, little, embarrassed smile thing. You can even dance a jig if you want." Joseph smiled, opened his mouth to say something, but than paused as Michael strolled past, accompanied by his deceitful partner Sunil.

"Oh if it isn't Bonnie and Clyde. Come to steal more of my beds have you?" Jac mocked, still dazed.

"What's this? Has valentines day come early this year?" Michael grinned, noticing Joseph and Jac's still entwined hands. Jac tore her palm away from Josephs, staring defiantly at Holbys most hated pair.

"Haven't you two got to go play Barbie with another sixteen year old girl?"

"Come Come Ms Naylor; play nice, we are all friends here." Sunil interrupted, his tone of voice smooth and sleek like it always was. Jac raised her eyebrows, flicked her glossy, auburn hair out of her eyes and after a quick glance at Joseph, put her hands on her hips and replied.

"What do you expect us to do, join hands and sing Ring-A-Ring-A-Roses?"

"Oh I thought you and Mr Byrne had that covered." Michael retorted, a slight smirk on his face. Jac was shocked for a moment, but yet again the usual anger that she found so impossible to control was back, tearing down her defences.

"If you think Darwin will just sit around and read heat magazines while your flamboyant shoes, important suits and boob jobs walk all over them, you have another thing coming." Michael cocked his head in anger, and Sunil simply rolled his eyes, while Jac detached herself with Joseph following in her wake. Michael stopped for a second and furrowed his brow.

"Wait! Which one of us is Bonnie?"

* * *

><p>Jac sat at Keller desk yet again, busying herself with folders to destroy the thoughts and memories resurfacing<strong>. A little girl lost in the rain. A birthday party without a family. A dark, evil man. Tears. So many tears.<strong> Eventually, Jac switched on the computer, in the hope of distracting her self further. As she pressed each button, she felt her self being sucked in more and more into her own thoughts and feelings – _What are they doing here? Why now, of all the moments in my life, why now? What do they want, perhaps my heart this time instead of my kidney._ Someone was looming over her, muttering something Jac was to engrossed to hear.

"Jac!" Sacha Levy shook her shoulders gently and was surprised when Jac did not flinch at their physical contact.

"What?" Jac snapped, immediately feeling bad.

"I need that ECG quickly. He's complaining of shortness of breath."

"Right." Jac replied, still distant, trying to organise the thoughts swirling around her head. Glancing at the gathering of people by bed 3, Jac started to shake slightly, swallowed, and turned to look up at her old friend. "You know what, let Dr Valentine deal with it. I should be getting back to Darwin." Jac stood up, collected her folders and handed them over to Sacha, still unsteady on her feet.

"Ollie can't cope on his own. You can't just leave him here." Sacha answered, exasperated. He drew a breath, knowing that the next question would not be a welcomed one. "Are you ok?" Jac pointedly avoided looking anywhere near Sacha, guessing what she would find – concern – something she couldn't deal with.

"I'm fine." Jac answered quickly, and, ignoring the protests from her colleague, headed back to Darwin.

* * *

><p>Jac entered Darwin slowly, composing her self. She cleared her throat, fiddling with the bottom of her shirt, self-consciously tweaking her hair, and glimpsed at her wristwatch. <em>You can do this. Just act normal – like you said this morning. Just because <em>_there__ here, doesn't mean you have be vulnerable. Just do your job._ The desk was a sea of green – it had been clattered with hundreds of patient's folders – probably the work of Greg, he had never been one for efficiency. The computer had been left on and as Jac glanced at it, she realised that Sahira was the culprit – the screen was filled with online catalogs of children's clothes. Jac grimaced, she was anything but maternal.

"Jac?" _Speak of the devil. _Sahira was cautiously teetering behind Jac, her beautiful black-as-night hair tied up in a neat bun, her voice quiet but strangely confident.

"What?" Jac snapped, standing up straight.

"Can I ask you a favour?" Jac raised an eyebrow and threw a glance at her colleague.

"No." She replied with a dismissive action of her hand. Sahira continued anyway.

"Will you babysit Indie after work?" Jac widened her eyes. Wasn't she the ice queen? The one who hated children?

"You must be desperate." Ms Naylor hesitated, considering the possibility of looking after Indie. As the maternal instincts she had buried a long time ago arose from inside her, she quickly rejected it as not an option – she couldn't show any weakness.

"No, Sahira, I'm about as close to children as Elvis was to Mozart."

"Please, it would only be for half an hour max."

"Its like giving Sacha a boob-job, it's unheard of!"_ Not like he needs one… _"I'm sorry Sahira, but I have enough problems of my own right now…" De-moralised, Sahira, instead of bickering, walked away, knowing Jac would never agree to her request.

* * *

><p>Oliver licked his finger and was flicking half-heartedly through Mr Bulks notes when the patient's parents interrupted his continuous brooding.<br>"So, would he need an operation?" Belinda asked abruptly, graciously accepting a reassuring glance from her husband.

"I'm not sure. The ECG has gone awhile. You're going to have to ask the consultant on Darwin, Ms Naylor." Oliver answered, briefly wondering why Belinda's face had now contorted into something between incredulity and shock. His brow furrowed.

"Ms Naylor did you say...?" Pete exclaimed, sharing a few anxious glancing with his wife.

"Yes." Oliver replied, momentarily remembering the incident that had happened that morning.

"Would that be a Miss Jackie Naylor?"

* * *

><p>Jac ran her delicate hands over her tear-stained face; her mascara had smudged and her eyes glistened with newly formed tears. She had barely managed to stand upright when she had withdrawn to Darwin toilets, her legs weakened as the weight of the situation pressed down on her. Her hair was knotted and filthy. Her complexion pale. The pain welling up inside her screamed for release. Quickly, Jac fumbled in her pocket for her keys, and when her hand had made contact, snatched them up so fast that they tore a small section of her trousers. Jac ran her finger over each key until she had selected the appropriate one. She gently rolled up the sleeve of her top. There was only silence. Jac caught her breath. Slowly, she cut a across her arm, only wincing slightly at the pain as dark droplets of blood escaped from the wound that was nearly three inches in diameter. Letting the red rain fall gently into the sink in front of her, Jac savoured the reprieve the incision provided, sighing as her mind became vacant and let her body focus on the throbbing of her arm. Steadying herself on the ridge of the sink, Jac exhaled gratefully, washed away the remaining blood and replaced the sleeve of her shirt. Silently, Jac closed her eyes, hearing the approaching sound of footsteps. She almost jumped when Sahira burst into the room. The two girls just stood there for a second, staring at one another; one beautifully dressed with an expression that could only be described as happiness, the other tearful, pained and mentally unhinged. Swiftly, Jac slung her stethoscope around her neck, and made for the door.<p>

* * *

><p>"Ollie, where's Jac?" Sacha Levy sprung from around the corner, his hands, or rather his surgical gloves, covered in not yet congealed blood. Ollie ignored the overpowering smell issuing from his colleague, knowing better than to question his actions.<p>

"I don't know. What does the undead usually do at this hour?" Oliver replied, leaning the phone he had just picked up on his chest. Sacha put his hands on his hips, quite serious now, yet forgot to take off his gloves and grimaced as the blood transferred onto his scrubs. However, he continued, his expression edged with worry.

"I'm serious Ollie; she's been gone for just over 30 minutes. Who saw her last?" Joseph, hearing the conversation, walked over and answered for Oliver.

"I did." He said, his head filled with anxious situations and plausible explanations – alphabetically ordered of course. Oliver and Sacha was momentarily shocked at there old colleagues sudden appearance, wasn't he in Scotland? Sacha quickly dismissed his questions and Oliver the same as there was more important things that needed sorting. Concern tormented Josephs eyes and Sacha noticed.

"She went back to Darwin, but I've paged her ten times and she's not answering. Right, one of us better go find her." Sacha suggested, his eyes darting incessantly at Ollie and Joseph.

"We should set up a search party, or get security!" Joseph demanded, his paranoia and distress getting the better of him now. Flustered, he gestured at Ollie to hand him the phone.

"No need for that." said Sacha quickly, knowing not to let the situation get out of hand.

"Yeah, she's probably just gone to the toilet." Oliver answered, placing his body between Joseph and the phone after he had put it down, eying him warily.  
>"For…" Joseph hurriedly checked his watch "45 minutes and 32 seconds?"<p>

"You never know…" Sacha interrupted. Ollie and Joseph shot him a few skeptical looks. "What?"

"Look, the longer we stay here, the longer Jac's missing." Joe observed, his unease growing. Sacha sighed.

"Right, where shall we look first?"

* * *

><p>Sahira was still temporarily in shock, partially at her colleagues appearance, but as Jac made to storm out, she regained composure, if not for her partner, than for Darwin – Jac was in no fit state to work. Sahira coughed slightly, knowing that the next question would be thrown back in her face, though realizing that without it, Jac would be alone.<p>

"Are you ok?" Jac came to an abrupt stop. Turning to face her colleague, she threw Sahira a contemptuous look, her red hair crackling flames behind her. Jac narrowed her eyes suspiciously.

"The answers still no." Jac replied, quite obviously dodging her registrar's question, she wasn't one for that "soft" approach.

"Oh that. I've sorted that out, Indies staying with a friend." Sahira paused for a moment and stared into Jac's eyes, they were watery yes, but as she looked deeper, they weren't just the empty, dark holes like she had been expecting – they knew what real hurt felt like, and were worn by the pain of time. Emotion. Yes, it was years of suffering and regret, but it was emotion. "You didn't answer my question… And I think that's because you don't like the answer."

"I didn't know you had a degree in psychology." Jac retorted. _Does she even care if I'm alright or not? She has no idea what real pain is, not many people do. The truth is that it tears you up inside, and if you are not strong than it will diminish you. I am what I am because of my past; she is what she is because of hers. You just have to live with it whatever it happens to be. You can't change the past, but you can change the future. Yet what happens when it catches up with you? It already has once before, and that killed me. I WONT let that happen again. Even now, I still have the note that she left me before she went, scrunched up in my desk. I've never had the guts to throw it away, and that shows how weak I am. That's why I have to be stronger, and that's why I didn't answer her question._

"Look Jac, you can confide in me, we are colleagues." Sahira flicked her black hair, which was now down, out of her eyes. Jac smirked.

"Is it time for the sleepovers and girly plaits already?" Sahira decided to ignore that last comment, being, as she called it, "the better person." Slowly, she exhaled, noticing the fact that Jac hadn't moved an inch since the start of there conversation, as if she wanted Sahira to care and figure out what was wrong.

"Jac, just tell me. I know you may act like the Ice Queen on the outside, but I know you're at least partially human on the inside." Sahira willed her to respond.

"Are you sure about that?" That wasn't the answer she had sought after.

"Please?" Sahira asked, her eyes wide in pleading. Sighing, Jac leaned back onto the white tiles of the bathroom, rejoicing as the soothing coldness transferred onto her head, giving her the relief she desired. She inhaled. Gradually, she opened her eyes, half hoping that Sahira wouldn't be there. But, of course, she was.

"Jac?" Jac shrugged mentally to herself, sighing, and fixed a cool stare on her colleague.

"It's Bed three… they…" **Bang!** The door sprang open. At that very moment, as if in slow motion, Sacha and Joseph burst into the room, skidding to a halt as they reached the two women, Jac still in mid sentence. Everyone froze for a moment. Irritated, and after composing herself, she whipped round to face them.

"Well, I didn't know you were both transvestites, Sacha I had my suspicions about…" Jac sneered, her eyes travelling around the room. "Isn't this the girl's bathroom?" Joseph blushed, and Sacha simply rolled his eyes, placing his hands on his hips. An endless silence followed. Joseph furrowed his brow in concern as his gaze turned to Jac; her appearance was what struck him most - this wasn't the sleek, ice-queen Ms Naylor like he knew, that persona had been crushed by a more vulnerable person battling through. He kept trying to meet her eyes, to check if she was ok – to no avail. **BEEP BEEP BEEP**. Suddenly, the acute sound of Jac and Sacha's pagers burst the uncomfortable silence.

"We need to get to Keller now!" Sacha yelled, gesturing at Jac to follow him. They ran down the corridor. The Hospital seemed devoid of any life form, so Jac soon made ground with a wheezing Sacha following behind. Her feet began to pound against the floor and she steadfastly looked ahead; very soon there was nothing going through her mind except for the run-through of her medical training and the resounding _thump_ of each foot. They chose to take the stairs instead of the lifts – they were far too slow, and with Sacha mumbling some unprofessional complaints under his breath, Jac chose to make him suffer more. Finally, they reached Keller, and Jac searched the ward for the patient in trouble. Her gaze quickly found him. She tried to step forward but her petrified impulses pulled her back. Sacha had immediately rushed over to bed three, but Jac found herself transfixed to the floor. She watched, detached, her mind churning circles like helicopter blades. Her eyes followed Belinda and Pete as they relentlessly threw questions at the helpless doctor, there faces plastered with genuine fear for their son. But, her eyes were drawn to Pete's hands. _His _hands. Her mind was consumed with what they had done. What they will do. They were the devils hands. And she couldn't tear her eyes from them.

"Jac!" Sacha's beseeching voice awoke her from her day-dream. She didn't move a muscle. "It's Symptomatic Bradycardia!" The medical term he had used alerted the raw surgeon inside of her, no matter who the patient was. Rapidly, she ran over to them.

"How long?" she barked at the tense nurse by the bed.

"I don't know… I… I came to check on him, he was short of breath."

"Looks like complete heart block. No pressure. He's decompensating. I need atropine, quickly!" Jac scrambled with the needle of medication, her hands steadying, and inserted it into her patient.

"He's stable." Sacha breathed, glancing with concern at the cardiothoracic consultant that was know breathing heavily, which he guessed was not the result of the run, but was the result of the patient.

"Thank you!" Pete uttered, patting both Sacha and Jac on the shoulder. Jac shot him a murderous glare, amazed at his perfect poker face. _Don't you dare touch me! _Pete aimed a conceited smile at Jac, which Sacha mistook as one of relief. _I remember your grin, that's one of the things that's more apparent when I look back._ "Thank you so much, Mr Levy, and Jac is it?"_ That bastard_.

"It's Ms Naylor!" Jac said, barely managing to not raise her voice.

"Oh, of course…"

"Jac, can I talk to you for a minute?" Sacha asked, and, without waiting for an answer, pulled her back so know one could hear.

"I know you don't like all that "touchy feely" stuff." _Hell no._ "But, I know that John Bulk causes problems for you. And you don't have to treat him."

"He means nothing to me. I haven't seen him before in my life."

"Jac." Sacha loomed over her, real concern in his eyes. Jac sighed and reluctantly continued. It couldn't get any worse could it?

"It's his parents… they…"

* * *

><p><strong>Ok, I am bit mean to leave it as a cliffhanger, but itsn't that more exciting? I hope you didn't find this chapter boring, and if you did I promise theres going to be some more action in the next one. I hope everyone is in character. I do not own any of the characters, they all belong to the BBC. I am not going to do that I need five reviews to do the next chapter thing because I enjoy writing it, but I would love some reviews! Ideas are welcome.<strong>


	3. The Stalkers Whim

**Sorry about the shortness of this chapter. I hope it is acceptable and all the characters are in character.**

* * *

><p>Jac hesitated, glancing around inconspicuously. "Not here." She muttered before retreating to the safety of the Staff Room, in an attempt to stop people from listening in. She continued, eyeing Sacha suspiciously as if trying to predict his reaction.<p>

"They… they were my first foster parents." Jac purposely avoided looking anywhere near Sacha, knowing what she would find, but instead focused on the door handle, one that looked very enticing, as if willing her to reach for it – to escape. To run away. That was what Jac had done her whole life: from her dark past, from the fear of love, from the nightmares that infiltrated her dreams. She had just run. Like a coward. And look where that had got her.

"Wow." Sacha had finally awoken from his shocked slumber to merely utter a word that seemed so unhelpful to Jac. His eyebrow rose slightly as he took a deep breath, and he threw a couple of alarmed glances towards his friend, trying to catch her eye. "I didn't see that one coming." Jac was in a state of utter silence, pondering the thought in her mind. _Neither did I. _Wavering, Jac ran her fingers through her hair, which was dirty and matted. What had she done? She had told someone, she had actually told someone about _her _past, _her _secrets, and_ her _nightmares.

"Looking a bit nauseous there partner!" Sacha commented, trying to spread some light on the situation as always, but his voice was edged with a secret unease for his colleague.

"Nauseous? That's a step up from peaky isn't it?" Jac replied, sarcasm being her shield now. Sacha forced a shaky smile and cleared his throat awkwardly, temporarily remembering what had happened last year. "Why do I suddenly feel that this is a Déjà vu moment?" Jac joked, thickening her ice-queen mask whilst heading for the door. Sacha inhaled, knowing that his next statement Jac would refuse to accept.

"I think you should be taken of the case." Jac stopped, hand hesitatingly hovering over the door handle. She closed her eyes, clearing the memories in her head. **A teenage girl all alone. One question. Just one question. Running. So much running. Crying as she got caught and had to go back. Had to go back to hell. **She gulped down some bile that was surfacing in her throat; she could feel the tears that were determined to fall behind her mask, so she intentionally averted turning to face Sacha when she spoke again, more quietly this time.

"No. I'm fine, John Bulk and his family is not a problem." Jac said, scarcely managing to stop her voice from faltering. She walked out of the room.

Joseph Byrne's eyes followed Jac as she left the Staff Room, his concern resurfacing at her dreadful appearance; he could see the wetness in her eyes and the tangles in her beautiful hair that was hanging limply down the arch of her back. He felt the need to protect her, to comfort her, but how could he do that when she had so forcefully told him to stay away? Her head drooped in an uncharacteristic defeat and she simply disregarded anyone's attempts to speak with her. That wasn't the Jac Naylor he knew. Determined, Joseph rose from his chair and entered the Staff Room he had seen Jac leave. He acknowledged Sacha's presence with one sweep glance around and headed for his old colleague.

"What's the matter with Jac?" Joseph asked, actually succeeding at coming across casual. Sacha had his back turned when his friend approached, so he jumped quite suddenly when Joseph appeared behind him. A single "What?" escaped his mouth as he nervously glanced behind Joseph, knowing that Jac would feed him to the dogs if her ex found out.

"She isn't herself today, she seems changed somehow. As if she's become vulnerable… do you know what's going on?" Joseph continued, his casual tone had diminished and his voice was now engraved with recognisable anxiety for the woman he had loved and hurt.

"Perhaps she has no one left to annihilate?" Joseph raised an eyebrow, expecting that Sacha was lying. Seeing his sceptical approach, Sacha made to broaden his lie further.

"You never know… she could suddenly turn into a purple dinosaur and bite everyone's head of. I wouldn't put it past her."

"Like Barney?" Joseph replied, his eyebrow rising higher.

"Pretty much, but without the nice songs in-between…."

"Right… now tell me the truth." Josephs eyes widened in surprise as his colleague recalled, with slight hesitation, what Jac had told him. Quickly, Joseph darted out of the room as soon as Sacha had finished, tearing down the corridors of the hospital, glancing around for the woman he sought after. Sacha was in a slight state of shock, but then composed himself, smiling at Joseph's over-the-top reaction to Jac's secret. So what if they were her Foster Parents? At least they didn't hurt her like her mother did. Sacha didn't know how wrong he was. Song lyrics came together in his mind, calming down the situation… at least, in his head.

**I Love You; You Love Me, Lets Get Together And Help Jacky, Cos She's Got No One And Has Had A Very Large Shock, So Know There's No More Evil Doc. **

Jac rubbed angrily at her eyes, eradicating her tears but smudging her mascara slightly in the process. _What right does he have to take me of MY case? I am above him; I am a consultant for god's sake! If he dares tell anyone this, I will feed him to Hanssen!_ Jac exhaled and blinked for a couple of seconds, composing her self. She began rubbing her wrists in a continual circular motion, moving from hand to hand – the remnant of a few counselling sessions she had been to as a child. Joseph, unknown to Jac, had crept behind her, saying something she was to engrossed to hear. He cleared his throat apprehensively, hoping to break the empty silence but instead broke Jac's incessant daydream.

"Joseph! God, you shouldn't creep up on people like that!" She said, her voice wavering with shock.

"I know." Was all Joseph could say.

"Know what?" Jac replied - her faked mystified tone was laced with a layer of hidden anger. Joseph fixed his eyes to Jac's and looked deep within, finding the vulnerable little girl that was buried deep inside.

"About Bed three." He answered, the urge to protect the woman he loved increasing as he sensed the emotions swirling around in her head.

_I see her. She's with a colleague. Colleague? Is that the right word? I can see the lust in her eyes and the love in his; perhaps they have been together, in the past. But, probably that slut of a woman messed it up somehow… Yes, I can see the hurt in his expression and the sorrow in hers. Ha! Trust little Jacqueline Naylor to ruin another persons life once again! They are arguing now, I can see how he wants to hold her, to protect her, but, like always, Jackie is refusing to be weak. The nurses are giving me funny looks, but all my attention is focused on her; the redness of her beautiful hair, the slenderness of her figure, and her sea-green eyes that seem like a thousand years old. They are still talking, she has calmed down know, reluctantly staying where she is. Why? I need her to be alone._

"Sacha had no right to tell you, and you had no right to ask!" Jac yelled, anger blinding her strong layer of common sense. Joseph was slightly hurt at her response, his mouth drooping at the edges to form a small frown.

"Ok, I'm sorry." He answered, relieved when she stopped speaking and looked away. "There is something else, isn't there?" He waited for a reaction, and when he found Jac's Ice-queen shield to tough to penetrate, continued gallantly. "What is it Jac?"  
>"Why do you care?" Jac retorted impulsively. <em>Nobody ever cares.<em>

"Perhaps it's instinctive to protect the people you care about." Jac's heart fluttered… had he really just said that? She stole a look at him, mentally laughing at the blush on his cheeks, and a second later he glance up as well – there eyes met, Joseph probing through hers, Jac not daring to with his, scared of what she might find. Joseph saw a flicker of something, an emotion, but before he could wonder what it was, it was gone, destroyed by her Ice mask. "You're scared of him aren't you? Why?" he queried, delving deeper into Jac's past in the hope of finding answers.

"I'm not." Jac replied with her steely determination, fearing Joseph would know better. He fixed her with a hard stare, examining her expression as if his eyes were an x-ray. Gradually, Jac faltered, exhaled and ran her fingers through her hair, issuing a feeble explanation whilst mastering all the strength she had left.  
>"He was an evil man. He just wanted to feel powerful, like Alan Clooney wanted to feel powerful."<p>

_She's stormed of. I wonder where she's heading. I'm following her, like a leopard stalking it's pray. I can almost taste victory. I think she's heading for a corridor… an empty one… perfect. She's stopped now, so I'm waiting around the corner, taking a glimpse at her small frame from time to time. Waiting for the right moment. She's leaning up against the wall, is that a tear I see? That's unusual. Beside her there's a door that belongs to a storage cupboard. It's inconspicuous and ideal – there's even a lock below the handle. I think this is it. I creep closer and closer…_

* * *

><p>Joseph tore through the hospital yet again, this time searching for a different woman. Pure fury swept through him like an uncontrollable wave, taking him under its murky depths and he didn't care– in fact, he relished it. His mind swam circles, pondering what Jac had just told him. Why would someone do that? It's sick. Evil even. He ran steadfastly past Sacha, his shocked face paling into significance. When he reached Bed three, he did not hesitate when he slashed open the curtain in vehemence, or when he saw the terrified face of Belinda stare up at him.<p>

"DID YOU KNOW?" he roared, spit issuing from his molars. The woman flinched at Joseph's strong tone, but showed no other signs of wariness.

"Know what?" she said softly, glancing at her son who was now looking on with worry.

"What your husband did to Jac." The muscles in his neck pulsed with rage.

"Mum?" John turned to his mother, expecting an explanation, his voice etched with slight confusion.

"It gave Pete pleasure. He needed help, and that's what Jackie gave him."

"That does not justify what he did…! It's sick…!" Joseph's brain told him to calm down, but how could he when this dark woman was sitting right in front of him? "How many times?" He asked, not wanting to believe.

"What?"

"How many times?" Joseph repeated, his frustration and anger rising with each word that came out of the woman's mouth.

"I… I don't know… I didn't look after Pete 24:7…" Belinda replied with false innocence.

* * *

><p>He had come out of nowhere, and forced the petrified woman up against the wall, wrenching her right arm behind her back with such force that she made to utter out a loud scream – only faltering when the man pressed his dirty hand, hard, over her mouth. She struggled, trying to fight back – to no avail. The devil had come. Pete cocked his head in interest and examined Jac thoughtfully in anticipation. She was trembling violently and he chuckled darkly, remembering how she had twenty two years ago as well. <em>This is my prize<em> He thought. Jac's eyes locked onto her attackers, pleading with him to free her, but Pete relished the utter terror in her pupils and thrust her head even harder against the bricks so that she crumpled to the floor. For a moment, Jac was transported back four years ago, when Alan Clooney had dragged her into the bushes. But that was the past. And this was happening now. Glancing around for any sign of an interruption, Pete grasped Jac's wrist, with his spare hand turning the handle on the door behind, and yanked her inside. Still conscious, Jac felt the waves of unimaginable horror surge through her, accompanied by ripples of anger. Outside, the door locked, and inside, it began.

* * *

><p>Joseph opened his mouth to retort something at the lying woman, his rage getting the better of him now. But, as his eyes swept over the room for the first time since he had got there, he noticed the lack of people. Pete had disappeared. Fear. Such fear conquered him. Where was he? Where was the man that deserved to be behind bars? Joseph heart beat, a hummingbirds wings trapped in his ribcage. <em>Shit! That man could do anything!<em> "Ollie!" he yelled quickly. Oliver poked his head through the curtain, raising his eyebrow in an unspoken question. "Where's Jac?" Joseph asked, his tone concerned but hurried.

"I don't know… I haven't seen her in ages." The F2 replied, oblivious to the situation. Josephs eyes grew wide in terror._ No! Anything could be happening! _Josephs mind ran with endless theories and solutions. He had to find her. Was it too late?

* * *

><p><strong>Ok, I know... ANOTHER cliff hanger, but I do enjoy them! Thank you for reading and please review! :)<strong>


	4. Danger and Dreams

**A little, red-headed girl woke up, startled, to the sound of car engines. Gingerly, she peeled back her duvet and, after much hesitation, leaped out of her bed. She reached out her hand, turning the door handle and stepped out into the hallway. It was plain; angular shadows fell like veins across the white walls and down to the carpeted floor. Where she was, the girl saw that her mother's room was lacking of any form of life and her brow furrowed in confusion. Wandering across to her stairs, she rubbed her eyes and pulled her dressing gown even closer to her shivering body. It was silent, and she boldly looked ahead; soon all she could hear was the blood rushing in her ears and the soft **_**thud thud thud**_** her feet was making as she descended the stairs. Peering around, the girl opened the living room door and glanced inside. No one. She began to panic now, her insides gummed up with fear. Quickly, she ran the length of the house, entering all the rooms as she passed and double checking again as she ran back, searching for any sign of life. Until, eventually, she threw open the front door and searched for the person who had promised to protect her since the day she was born.**

"**Mum?" Jac Naylor cried as a single tear ran down her face and dropped silently onto the floor. The car was gone. She darted into the night, her long, red hair flowing behind her which could be easily seen by any onlookers, and her eyes wide and fearful. She was so alone. She kept running, searching for answers. Her mind spun around and around but kept focusing on one single thought, one single question… **_**Why? **_**It was everywhere, imprinted on the clouds above her, enclosed in the raindrops that fell, and engraved on the grass she stood on. **_**Why…? Why…?**__**Why…?**_** Jac collapsed onto her knees; tears know leaking heavily from her eyes. "WHY!" she screamed into the silence of the darkness around her, praying to god that she would be heard and the burden of the question would disappear. "Why?" Jac whispered, quieter this time, with an edge of that single-minded determination that she cherished. Angrily, she wiped away her tears and silently vowed that she would never trust anyone again, never love anyone again, and never show any weakness. **The distant memories faded and Jac's body jerked in an unconscious spasm as her dreams invaded again. **The woman gently smoothed out the creases in her dress, flattening her beautiful auburn hair against the arc of her back. The last weeks before this awaited event had went by in a flash and she hadn't let her self believe it was happening – everyone left her in the end. She shook her head – it wasn't the time or place for resurfaced reminiscences. Sahira Shah turned to her with a reassuring smile from the front of the car, adjusting the small tiara on her head, her silky black hair hanging around her cheeks. The chauffeur took no notice of the woman beside him, but found him self glancing now and again in the rear mirror to look at the stunning red head sitting in the back seat. She was beautiful. Finally, they arrived. Jac Naylor stared at the Church in trepidation. Was this really happening?** Jac's head rolled and she blinked, her vision blurry. But, as soon as she had regained consciousness, she could feel her eyelids drooping, the pain taking her back. Blackness conquered again. **This time, it was different. She sat on a plastic chair, her toes crushing the grass beneath her feet; the sun was shining in the sky. Two children chased each other across the large garden, the red-headed girl was the quickest, the handsome, green-eyed boy following behind – whilst Harry sat underneath a tree reading. Joseph Byrne, carrying two small cups of coffee, walked over, giving his wife a quick kiss on the cheek and admiring his children run across the grass. Jac Naylor chuckled happily as she carefully sipped her drink, the relaxing warmth transferring onto her skin. She had a husband, a family and a perfect life. **

"JAC!" Joseph yelled, rushing through the corridors, accompanied by security. His mind had almost torn apart, apprehension making his limbs feel lifeless and his eyes full with terror. Quickly, he began booting down all the doors he could find, - he couldn't take the overwhelming frustration when Jac wasn't there. Where was she? Jac groaned as her dream changed surroundings, her life force weakening. Blood issued heavily from the wound on her head, her limp body fading into unconsciousness.

**Cautiously, she crossed the court yard to the church, glancing at her maid of honour for support and was met with an encouraging smile. Inhaling, she muttered a "Hello" to Sacha and linked arms with her "Dad for the Day." As she walked slowly down the aisle, the music she had so carefully selected faded away; all her attention was focused on her fiancé. Jac glanced around at the few people that were sitting in the chairs: there were some of her colleagues at work, some old friends, and a three year old Harry giggling away at the front, dressed in a cute page boy outfit – the exact replica of his father. Joseph was sweating underneath his suit and he nervously fiddled with his tie – the one he had done and redone at least fifty times that day. As he turned around to face his future wife, his voice was instantly taken away. She looked beautiful. She was beautiful. And she would be his in a matter of minutes. **"JAC!" Joseph repeated frantically, he and security alone had covered at least three quarters of the hospital and they still hadn't found her or Pete. Fear for the woman he loved overtook him. He couldn't loose her. Not again. Jac was deteriorating. A lot of blood was in a large pool by her head, too much to loose and live. **She had reached the top of the aisle, and Joseph felt his breath intake as he saw her in front of him. Jac's dress was as white as the clouds in the sky and as if made by the God himself. It flaunted her stunning figure perfectly as if it had been made exactly for her and her hair was flawless. The vicar said his opening words, but the couple didn't bother to listen, they were both staring intensely into each others eyes, seeing the love in both. "Do you Jacqueline Elizabeth Naylor take Joseph Charles Mortimer Byrne as your lawfully wedded husband?" The vicar asked, sensing the answer and turning the pages of the book in front of him. Jac hesitated, pressure encircling her head like a boa constrictor. **Joseph came to a deserted corridor, and kicked open the only door present. He squinted in the darkness; he could have sworn that he saw a slight movement coming from the corner. Narrowing his eyes, Joseph entered the cupboard, he felt his shoe come in contact with a red, slippery substance and he struggled to keep upright. There was an unmoving figure in the gloom. He edged nearer.

"**I… I… d…do." Jac stuttered eventually as immense happiness filled her body. **

"**And do you Joseph Charles Mortimer Byrne take Jacqueline Elizabeth Naylor as your lawfully wedded wife?"**

"**I…" Jac looked up at Joseph expectantly, her eyes wide and bright. **"I… can't…"** Jac froze. What had he just said? She could feel everybody's eyes stare at the back of her head. **"I can't… find a pulse!" Joseph frantically checked Jac's heart beat again and again, but it was so faint – he was going to loose her. He wiped the loose strands of hair from her face, promising her silently that he would try anything, and began CPR. "COME ON! Don't do this to me. You're stronger than this!" Joseph shouted, his heart beating so quickly that it made up for the lack of the other in the room. He examined the figure in front of him; she had been striped, her underwear was the only clothes she still had on, and her head was wounded severely. He felt dizzy at the sickness of it all. Suddenly, after many minutes, Jac coughed and regained consciousness. She blinked, everything was still blurry. A figure loomed over her, but she couldn't see their face, so she called out the name of the only man she wanted, the only man she needed, the only man she loved.

"Joseph…" she slurred. Her voice was weak, she made to get up, but overwhelming pain hit her and her arms slumped to the floor. "Joseph…" she repeated as she felt her self being carefully lifted up. Joseph cradled Jac in his arms, stroking her head continuously, and, even though she couldn't hear, told her she was going to be ok.

"I need a bed, NOW!" he cried as Jac leaned her head against his chest, her eyes gradually closing.

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><p>Joseph muttered under his breath, aware of the piercing sounds of the machines around him. Creeping through ITU, the dark patches on the walls, like drops of ink on sallow parchment, spoiled the clean, efficiency of the area. The frail body on the centre bed moaned unconsciously, millions of wires attached to what seemed like such a small frame. Jac's head was no longer bleeding, it had been stitched up by a resident doctor in the department that she was in, but, worryingly, she was still lifeless. Her body jerked into a spasm, and her emerald eyes flickered open with nightmares from her past. But then, they closed again. Sahira pressed the button beside the white door, and entered the room after the intercom uttered a disgruntled <strong>BEEP<strong>. Her gaze turned steadily around the space, eyeing the fragile woman on the bed empathetically. "I just heard." She said, turning to Joseph. He just nodded a faint reply. "What happened?" Sahira asked cautiously, with a slant of her head and real concern for her colleague. Joseph shook his head. Noiselessly, Sahira pondered what was so terrible that Joseph couldn't tell her.

"I don't mean to be discourteous, but who are you precisely?" Joe requested this precious information – he couldn't let just anyone anywhere near Jac.

"I'm a colleague of Jacs. Sahira Shah, registrar on Darwin." Sahira extended a hand and Joseph accepted graciously.

"Nice to meet you, I'm Joseph Byrne, I used to work here."

"Yes, I've heard of your family. Especially your father, he used to work here as well yes?" Joseph nodded yet again to show his answer. Unexpectedly, the machines around Jac began to wail and she let out a moan.

"Joseph…?" Sahira and Joe immediately rushed to Jacs beside. Gently, Sahira took her hand and held it before glancing distraughtly at her colleague. Joseph scanned the screen for any abnormalities. He exhaled in relief.

"It's nothing. Just up her pain relief." He said to a nurse nearby who hurried of at his word.

"What happened to make her like this?" Sahira demanded, fixing a cool stare on Joseph. Softly taking her shoulder in his hand, he pulled Sahira aside to avoid anyone hearing. "Her family did… What sort of a sick person would do such a thing…?" Sahira raised an eyebrow, not fully understanding what he meant. "I have a suspicion that she might have been abused as a child. The very man that did this was here, at this hospital. And Jac walked straight into his path…That leaves the mind to speculate…" Joseph confessed, snarling furiously, after a series of pauses. Sahira's expression transformed almost instantaneously from perplexity to absolute horror and unease, glancing at her colleague.

"God… that's terrible." Sahira uttered at last, before, in a state of utter shock.

"Quite." There was silence as they both gazed at Jac with sorrow. Eventually, Joseph broke the ever-growing stillness. "We need a GS surgeon, page Sacha."

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><p>Sacha Levy bounded through the hospital, slightly hurried, his eyes twinkling with evident confusion. Why had Joseph called him to ITU so suddenly? Sacha turned his mind over to speculate what had happened, but he couldn't find a plausible explanation. The corridor near ITU was empty curiously, so there were no screaming patients, no weeping relatives or exhausted doctors, there was only silence, distressing silence. Quickly, Mr. Levy reached the door, his long legs extending the length of his stride. Fumbling in his pocket for his key card, Sacha glanced through the murky window inside, his heart thumping when he saw a tuft of red, glistening hair positioned on the bed. Was it her? Sacha's mind ran circles. Finally, he entered the room and he made his way over to the central bed, withdrawing as he discovered who was on it. <em>No! It can't be!<em> His eyes blazed with one question: Why? He looked over to Joseph who had not yet noticed his presence and placed a hand lightly on his shoulder. "What happened?" Sacha asked. Joseph glanced up in surprise.

"Pete Bulk did." He answered gravely, sighing underneath his words. Sacha closed his eyes for a second, contemplating this information, his mind guilt ridden.

"So, no purple dinosaur then?" Mr Levy replied, sarcasm unsuccessfully hiding his concern.

"No… unless you're talking about Hanssen who is now sticking his prominent proboscis into other peoples business."

"Like usual…" Sacha muttered, his words nearly drowned out by the incessant humming of the machines around him. Then, he paused, suddenly remembering what he had been wondering, sometimes out loud rather that to himself, earlier.

"So, what am I doing here?" Joseph handed him Jac's notes slowly as if reluctant to give them up.

"I want you too look at the head CT when it gets here." He replied simply. Suddenly, Jac's head began to turn rapidly and a soft moan fluttered in between her lips, her arms juddering. Sahira, who was now sitting by her side, jumped up, glancing up at Sacha. "Where's Mum?" she mumbled, her eyes closed. "Pete?" Joseph advanced towards the bed, his expression troubled. "Redrain… Tilburg… Hopeland… Alice…" Jac slurred.

"What's happening?" Joseph asked, frenzied. Sacha merely shook his head. "No, I want you to tell me what's happening with Jac. She's obviously not right, if you can just see that, if you can just contemplate what's…" Sacha cut him of.

"She's been like this for too long… she might have brain damage."

"Joseph... I'm sorry… Lord Byrne… Harry… Penrith… Joseph…"

**Jac Naylor stood up, dazed. She wavered for a moment, letting her eyes adjust to the brightness of the light. Looking around, she saw that she was in plain, white room. There was nothing; no windows, no doors, just an empty box. She glanced down at her self and found that she was wearing leather bike gear, similar to hers, but it lacked the worn edges and the escalating marks – in fact, it was new. Jac's mind held so many questions. Where was she? Why these clothes? Can I walk? Am I dead? There were no answers, just silence. Sinister silence. Timidly, she lifted her leg and took a step forward. Well, at least she could move. Different sensations overwhelmed her; the way the floor beneath her feet sank when she travelled, the way the walls seemed like they were ****moving and the way she couldn't hear her heart.**

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><p><strong>Hello! :) Hope you enjoyed this chapter because theres more coming! It is a sort of cliff hanger I s'pose! :P<strong>


	5. After Tremors

**Sorry it's been such a long time. Here's the next chapter. There are some unexpected twists in this part! (Cookies to those who guess!) Enjoy! :) Please R&R!**

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><p>"Charge to 360! Clear!" Sacha barked orders to the nearby nurse, his tone frantic and his eyes frenzied. Joseph was in a state of sheer panic. His breathing rapid, his heart groaning inside. He said nothing. He just stared manically at the defibrillator, the simple object that could only save Jac now. Sahira's hand flew to her mouth and she stepped back in incredulity. Rapidly, Sacha placed the panels on Jac's chest, his mouth as dry as dust. Joseph's eyes grew wide in distress, hoping Jac's fighting instincts would prevail. She looked so fragile sprawled across the bed. The electric current made Jac's bloodstained body shudder, but the voltage worked to no avail. "AND AGAIN! CLEAR!" Sacha repeated, in no position to give up. Was it too late? She was so white, her life force drained. This time, Jac's body went into a larger spasm and the equipment beeped in relief as her life returned. "She's back." Sacha said, reprieve flooding his veins. Joseph closed his eyes, his shaking hands resting on the metal post of the bed in front of him. <em>Life is such a fragile thing <em>he thought, glancing at the woman that had been through so much. _I love her, I want to protect her, but she pushes me away like I'm some kind of vermin. Yes, I left her, but I had to do it, for Harry. To come here, I had to leave him at the crèche, and god knows what kind of infections he can pick up there. But I still did it, to come back, to come to Holby – where the woman I am going to marry is. I just nearly lost her and I won't risk that again, I couldn't live with myself. I can look after her; all she has to do is wake up! Please Jac, wake up!_

Jac's eyes flickered and shut again. Everything was white. Almost instantly, a shooting pain extending from the side of her head to the ache in her legs came into reality. She moaned and tried to roll over onto her side, but the throbbing was too much. Gradually, her mind adjusted to the sudden consciousness and she tried to recall what she had been dreaming about. Bad memories. She reached out to feel the wound she knew she most of acquired on her head, expecting uncongealed blood. However, as her hand met her cranium, instead of the stickiness of the blood that she had been anticipating, she felt a soft material that had been wrapped carefully around the gash. She couldn't have been unconscious for that long could she? Opening her eyes, she squinted as they came accustomed to the new light. Her fist sight was the sleek figure of Joseph Byrne, his hands twitching around the many folders piled on the table on the far side of the wall. Hurriedly, the beeping of the machines around her, with pierced Jac's eardrums uncomfortably, signalled to Joe that she was awake. Her lips felt dry, her tongue lying lifeless on the bottom of her mouth. She was in a bad state. Coughing, she squirmed under her neatly tucked bedcovers, ignoring the pain of moving. Joseph rushed over, but then suddenly stopped short when he saw the hollow, defeated look in Jac's eyes. Over all the years he had worked in this Hospital, he had never seen anything like it. Not from the distraught relatives, the sick citizens, even from the patients that were on the verge of death. Then why was he seeing it now? His concern was the only thing he concentrated on, so he dismissed the shock from Jac's appearance. "What happened?" Joseph asked gently. Her pale complexion creased in concentration, her haunted eyes grew and she jerked in a possessed fright when she remembered. When she saw his face. The devils face.

"Pete…" She slurred, her eyes glazing over. Joseph leaned in, assuming a confidential air. "He… t…t…ook me in…to a c…cupboard… a…nd… he…" Joe cocked his head, motioning her to go on. But, Jac stopped in defiance, her ice-queen shield returning. She wasn't one to admit a weakness. She turned her head away from the ever-growing stare from her ex, arms crossed, refusing to recall any more.

"Jac, if you tell me, I can help you." Joseph pleaded. Yet, he already knew, and he fumed with anger inside, it took all his strength not to show it.

"I think you've already figured it out, in that OCD, possessive head of yours." Jac replied, her voice returning, her sharp, angry tone portraying her real feelings towards life. "I don't know whether to laugh or pity you. You've got it all worked out, wife, son, dog, big country house… And I don't fit in that perfect little picture of yours. If you may have already noticed, I am not a people person." Jac continued, spite curling around her tongue. Joseph sighed, his irritation rising.

"Have you ever read the bible Jac? It fundamentally states to be a better person…" Jac raised an eyebrow, her face incredulous and mocking.

"Yeah well, the bible was written by the same people who said the earth was flat." Jac's face hardened, her eyes narrowing. "This is an excellent time for you too become a missing person." Instantly, she felt a pang of regret at the hurt on Josephs face, his brilliant blue eyes drooping in sorrow. "Joseph… I…" At that moment, Sahira and Sacha, deep in conversation, heaved open the door.

"Joseph, her head Ct's clear. No brain-damage." Sacha said, oblivious to the fact that his patient had regained consciousness. Sahira surveyed the room in one swift glance and a small smile broke onto her face when she discovered that Jac was alert. "She's awake." Sahira edged forward towards her colleague, but suddenly stopped, as her predecessor before her, when she saw the uncharacteristic emotion in her eyes.

"So, what are the facts?" Jac said, dismissing Josephs incessant staring.

"You're fine. If symptoms don't persist, I'm happy for you to be discharged in an hour or two…" Sacha replied after heading towards the bed. Jac nodded thoughtfully, slight annoyance edged into her features. "And… I've got you some flowers! Glad you're awake - they would have wilted soon…" Jac's eyebrows nearly reached her hairline.

"Flowers…?"

"Well… it was either that or some green Christmas kickers, so…." Sacha smiled. Jac took them slowly, placing them on the small, plastic table that was attached to her bed. A sleek accent flew through the door like a ghost, its pang of American more exceptionally annoying as usual. Michael Spence knocked on the door with his ring free knuckle, entering without agreement.

"Hey! I just heard the enemy side has just lost there leader!" Michael smirked, adjusting his gold watch that was placed around his left wrist.

"Why don't you go play doctors and nurses with Sunil?" Jac retorted, angry at the unexpected intrusion of privacy.

"Well… I'm sure you would find it hilarious if I did that, and annoyed if I stayed, but I should be somewhere, so see you around." Mr Spence replied, turning on his heel and departing. Jac exhaled gratefully.

"Well, as I have nothing better to do, I'm leaving." Jac stated, her Ice-Queen exterior mending the cracks of the nightmare.

"You can't I'm afraid. We just have to monitor you until you're ready. It will only be two hours at the most." Sacha said, glancing at Sahira for back-up.

"What do you expect me to do? Sit around and read heat magazine?"

"Sacha's right. You're not well Jac, you should stay." Joseph intervened, worried at the determination on Jac's face.

"No, I have work to do, I have patients to treat, errands to run, surgery to complete… I'm not staying!" Jac demanded, seizing the duvet that had held her to her bed and throwing it of. She groaned in pain, her head dizzy, and her legs weak. But she still carried on. "Where are my clothes?"

Jac walked, disorientated, into Keller, clutching at her stomach to which she had fallen onto. She breathed in, concentrating the pain into one specific area. She could feel the tears that were threatening to full as behind her eyes began to tingle, so she began craving the self-harming ghost of her past that had resurfaced since this situation had started. Across the ward, John Bulk spotted the wavering surgeon and gestured her over. Jac hesitated – _Like father, like son?_ She thought. Slowly, she headed over, her walk misguided and slow, slightly due to the thought of the patient but mostly because the pain was now overtaking, although she chose to ignore it. When she arrived, her eyes widened in shock at the grave expression on John's face. His mother was slumped on the chair next to him, not asleep, but resting. "I'm sorry." John said, placing a soft hand on her arm.

"Well, you have your own problems right now." Jac replied, shrugging him of and battling the emotions that had conquered her head. _No one will ever know how I am really feeling. I feel sick, sick to the core. I want to cry but I can't - What would people think of me? I'm so scared, perhaps even more frightened that I have ever been before. I can feel the urge to cut, to cut out the pain, cut until it stops. Because, even when I'm bleeding out, I just can't see it. How it kills me. No one ever asks why since no one knows; no one knows that when I was younger and when I could see no way out of misery I would reach for the knife. I tried to stop myself but the feeling would never really leave. _

"What do you mean?" John asked.

"I'm quite certain there's a gang missing your presence right now…" Jac replied, tilting her head to highlight the fact he was still wearing his costume.  
>"Oh, this outfit? It was for a stag doo… never had the time to take it of." Jac forced a weary smile.<p>

"Well, tell Shaggy that Mr Hanssens office is down that corridor, three doors to the left." Ms Naylor said, gesturing to the hallway behind her. John raised an eyebrow and fiddled with the mop of brown hair that nestled in thick curls on top of his head.

"Right… why?" He said. Jac readied her tongue for the fluent sarcasm she found so easy to prepare.

"I have a suspicion that ABBA might be hiding underneath his mask…." She mocked, half smiling. John threw her an exasperated look, raising his eyebrows in an unspoken query, knowing better than to question her words. Jac sighed.

"He's the surgeon that's going to be performing your op." She said, flicking her hair with a slight toss of her head.

"Thanks…" John replied, his eyes drooping now. "I really am sorry." Jac dismissed his apology with a simple nod and continued.

"Oh, and you might want to check out Mr Douglas too, he may look tall but I'm sure he's part leprechaun." Jac's eyes were hollow, as if emphasizing the sombre emotion that had captured the bright spark to which she still had a protective hold of. She stoked her arm ceaselessly in the uncomfortable silence, only to stop when Belinda arose from her dreary slumber.

"Can I speak with you for a moment?" She asked the fatigued surgeon, standing up and gesturing to the nearest kitchen. Jac hesitated; she could see the unhealthy glint in Belinda's eye, and the slight twitch of her left hand that was placed sensibly in her trousers pocket.

"Fine." She uttered. Belinda nodded and resumed her motion to continue, beckoning Jac forward. Reaching for the door handle that lead to the kitchen, Jac heard a yell reverberate around the ward, loud, acute, making the duo turn their heads in unison to the speaker who was no running towards them.

"Jac!" Oliver Valentine burst hurriedly onto the ward, shouting stridently at his mentor and waving some incomplete notes in the air around him. Skidding to a halt in front of the door which Jac had, conveniently, not yet opened, Oliver tried to catch his breath, muttered some unprofessional words and straightened his arched back.

"What do you want Valentine?" Jac demanded, mastering all of her strength to dismiss the layers of sarcasm building up around her tongue. Oliver squirmed under her steely gaze and shifted his feet nervously. Jac narrowed her eyes. "What is it?"

"Sacha sent me to get you, you really shouldn't be working you know…" He said.

"Yeah well, Sacha is also the one who thinks chinos are cool and that carrots grow on trees." Jac smirked. Belinda coughed impatiently, her elbows perpendicular with her stomach and the dark crevices that lined her face a recognisable metaphor for the dark scars that formed her past. Quickly, Jac gestured for her to wait inside with a swift wave of her hand.

"His mind is a whole new world…" confessed Oliver, looking down at his mentor, relieved that the relative had been dismissed. "But, he is a doctor and a highly qualified one at that." Ollie continued, his hands poised for persuading.

"Really? I thought he was just a stupid, fat halfwit. Oh no… I forgot… he's both." Jac disdained, sneering with the vestige of hatred that her body still retained. Oliver's face contorted into a perturbed expression, the darkening shadows under his eyes a consequence of the many sleepless nights that he had endured. Jac sighed. "Remember what happened last year Ollie? What I told you? That's even truer now." Jac's features twitched with unwanted emotion, the scornful smirk on her face almost mocking the sombre feelings that were slicing through her frozen heart, nearly breaking the ice. Oliver placed a tentative hand on her shoulder, his eyes, a glistening blue sea, fixed onto hers, a meadow lost to abandonment. In the silence, the world around them seemed to have zoned out and Ollie took a cautious step forward, almost sighing in relief when Jac didn't back away. He smiled suddenly, and lifted his hand to her cheek, tracing the outline of her jaw with his thumb. Then he leaned in. All Jac could hear was the inhaling of her breath and her heart beating frantically in her chest. As their lips brushed, the pure, ravenous Oliver wanted more, he wanted the kiss to deepen, but Jac pulled away. _What have I done!_ Jac gasped in a moment of surprise and Oliver looked to one side, nervously stroking his head, embarrassed.

"Yeah… I better go tell Sacha then." Ollie said.

"Yeah, you do that, be quick." Jac replied, her mentality pounding with thoughts. Oliver rushed off, perceptibly eager to be rid of the situation as soon as possible. "Doctor?" Belinda's voice broke Jac's ceaseless puzzlement, providing an area for the armies of emotion to conquer all. Jac entered the room quickly, her persona switched to professional. After a moment of silence, Belinda motioned for her acquaintance to sit, but Jac, in defiance, chose to stand, arms crossed and powerful.  
>"Yes?" Jac said, her eyes fixed onto Belinda's, almost willing her to try something.<p>

"Can I have a cup of tea before I say anything?" Belinda asked.

"Ha, that's very British…" Jac replied and headed for the counter to which the cups were situated. Her back turned, Jac waited for Belinda to resume talking. Belinda's eyes darkened. In one swift movement, she snatched the knife up from the work-top and thrust Jac, hard, against the tiled wall, wrenching her left arm, so it twisted, against her back. Jac made to yell, but Belinda was too quick, pressing her hand, rigid, against Jac's mouth, muffling any attempts to scream. She struggled. Her limbs were exhausted. Her eyes gradually drooping. Slowly, Belinda took the knife in her right hand, the other restraining Jac to the wall, and held it up to the light. Jac gulped. Her eyes widened in terror. Her whole body shook. Belinda cocked her head, her dark eyes examining Jac with a new-found interest.

"Know… you will do what I tell you, yes?" She said, the words curling around her tongue, sounding more serpent than man. Jac nodded, in a state of absolute horror.

"Well, that's good, because you know what happens if you don't, right?" Belinda replied, brushing the hair out of Jac's pleading eyes. She engraved the knife gently across Jac's neck. Droplets of blood trickled from the wound, forming red tears on her clothes. "And that's only just the start."

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><p><strong>Da Da Daaaaa! There you go! Hopefully You've read the story if your reading this! :P Hope you liked the unexpected twists! :)<strong>


	6. Death's Edge

**Here you go. Sorry about the wait as I have had many things to do and I have been on holiday. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW cos I love seeing what you think of my stories and any feedback you may have. Also, Ideas of funny scenes are needed for the next chapter, so please suggest! Thankyou for reading and enjoy x x**

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><p>The outside of Jac's wrists had turned slightly purple from the sheer pressure of Belinda's toughened grasp. She flinched as the knife's tip pressed lightly onto the arch of her back, pushing her forward towards the door.<br>"What are you doing?" Jac exclaimed, struggling against her captor's steel-like clasp.

"Pete can't go to jail, and if I let you go, you will go to the police. I can't have that can I?" Belinda replied, aggressively propelling Jac in front of her. Her hands strapped behind her back, Jac could do nothing as she was hurled out of the kitchen.

Joseph Byrne had entered Keller with one sole intention: To get Jac back to ITU. He had enlisted the help of Sacha and Oliver, who now walked steadily beside him. Abruptly, Jac burst out of the nearest door, blood trickling down her chin, her eyes pleading and frantic. The entire world seemed to have zoned out. She was horrified. Instinctively leaping forward, Joseph tried to seize Jac's flailing hand, but Belinda was too quick, and she put the knife to Jac's bare throat.

"Come any closer, and I'll kill her, don't underestimate me, I will do it!" She shouted, so that her echoing voice reverberated around the room - making everyone turn there heads, doctors and patients alike, to the scene that was now developing. Jac shook violently, her dishevelled being lifeless and petrified, her mouth open but unable to talk. Oliver dared a step forward, his eyes darting from Jac's terrified face to the one of her captors. Jac let a small whimper pass her lips as Belinda dug the knife deeper into her neck, a result of Ollie's foolishness.

"NOBODY MOVE!" Belinda yelled, eying the weary men.

"We won't, we won't. What do you want? We will grant you anything, just let Jac go." Joseph said, holding his body as still as a corpse, his hysteria and dread apparent in all his feeling.

"What do I want? What do I want? Well thank you for finally asking, you people only care about yourself, and only that emotion is only outweighed by your massive egos."  
>"Look, Mrs Bulk, we can sort everything all out, just let Ms Naylor go." Oliver pitched in.<p>

"What! This whore? Does anyone really care about her?" Belinda sniggered, surveying the helpless staff in front of her, noticing there sheepish looks of an answer. "See, who care if she dies, I mean, she deserves it doesn't she? She was asking for it!" At that moment, Sahira ran onto the ward; stop short at the scene before her, and her face turned into an expression of clear horror. Freezing for a second, Sahira's keen mind formulated a plan. Belinda took one look at the newcomer with aggressive eyes. "YOU! Do not come any nearer!" The astonished woman nodded, her heart beating a drum in her chest. She walked behind the desk, her hand, which was unseen, placed firmly on the ward phone, slowly lifting it from its holder.

"Jackie was asking for it! What my husband did to her all those years ago was right! An act of self indulgence! And I helped him. I knew that our little foster child was an object of his desire, and I helped him get what he wanted. She was probably used to it, with her late father's profession no secret to the police. You can all speculate what he was, or I could tell you, but why waste my time when dear Jacqueline Naylor can tell you all by herself? She was always the independent one." Belinda smiled and slightly released the pressure from the knife on her captive's throat so that she could talk. "Go on then, don't be shy!" Jac gulped, the tears now running freely down her face, she blinked, trying to fight them of – to no avail. Her colleagues looked on, hiding there amazement at the weakness of the resident "Ice Queen" as she broke down before them. Joseph felt helpless – there was nothing he could do, he had vowed to protect her, but he had failed yet again.

"No." Jac uttered quietly.

"What did you say?" Belinda retorted, enraged.

"I said no. You should try some soul searching, you might just find one." Jac said, her words protecting the last ounce of dignity she had left. Joseph's eyes blazed with fury, the muscles in his neck twitching with rage.

"Let Jac go." He argued, clenching his fists repetitively in groups of three. Belinda laughed.

"No." Security burst into the scene, responding to a message from the ward phone; they hesitated, unsure on how to deal with the situation, obviously wanting no casualties.

"Please?" Sahira asked gently, addressing Belinda with her deep searching eyes. Seconds turned into days. Finally, Belinda's shoulders sagged, her head lay limply against her chest and she let security grab her by the arms to be taken away. Jac fell to her knees as Joseph rushed to her side, shielding her protectively from her attacker and offering her a comforting hand. Jac's world seemed to spin, her head pounding with shock. Standing up, Jac turned to Belinda, her ice queen exterior replaced, holding her stare for what seemed like hours. Quickly, the older woman reached calmly into the inside of her leather jacket, pulling out a small black object. Security tried to knock it from her trembling hands, but she tore away from them and pointed the gun directly at Jac. Joseph panicked and he moved in front of her, so that he anxiously looked down the barrel himself.

"Come any closer and I'll shoot!" The attacker yelled, her finger placed precariously on the trigger.

**BANG!**

Screams were imminent as blood streamed out of the fatal tear. Jac closed her eyes, waiting for the pain to come. But, it didn't. She glanced around, who had been shot? Eventually, her eyes rested on Joseph, crimson blood a puddle on his silk shirt, his eyes frantic.

_NO! Why is this happening?_

Jac froze, petrified, her medical knowledge seemed to desert her as her colleagues rushed, as if in slow motion, to her ex, yells reached her ears but they failed to make words.

_Noo! Please don't die! Please don't die! I love him, I love him!_

Jac's body stood there motionless, despite frenzied shouts from her brain.

_He can't die! Not yet! Please god help me! _

She collapsed in despair, prepared for Joseph to yell, or do something. However, his expression was evidently one of confusion as he wiped the blood from his shirt. It wasn't his.

Elizabeth clutched at her chest, fluid soaking through her uniform; she slid to the floor, making a blood trail on the desk she leaned on. She had been standing right next to Joseph. The bullet was wedged into her body. Grasping frenetically at the wooden panel beside her, she could hear nothing of the people rushing towards her wounded frame. Chantelle rushed to her side and held her friends head in her arms.

"Don't worry Elizabeth, your not going to die." Chantelle comforted her colleague, her words mocking as, seconds after, Elizabeth uttered her last breath in this world. Her eyes closed. Her body lifeless. Belinda was taken away.

* * *

><p>Jac had accepted Joseph's offer of tea in the staff room, she needed something to calm her nerves. Almost two hours before, a nurse had been shot dead in front of her. <em>It should have been me!<em> She had thought, for it had been her that had trusted the killer, it had been her that the gun was pointed at, and it should have been her that had died. Her thoughts often turned to Pete: where was he know, could he still be here, can he hurt me anymore?

Joseph surveyed her with one quick glance; his smile faltered at her appearance, but mostly at her expression – it came with a certain subjugated presence.

"He can't hurt you anymore Jac, your safe now." He said, almost reading her mind, placing a hand on her shoulder. Slowly, he took a tentative step forward, leading the next motion. Jac inhaled and stared unblinkingly into Josephs deep, calm blue eyes – they issued a sense of tranquillity - him duplicating the gesture. Seconds turned into minutes. Joseph leaned in, his eyes closing, and Jac responded. Suddenly, the door opened with a large bang, revealing Greg Douglas, his face spreading into a knowing smile. Jac jumped back in surprise and Joseph coughed self-consciously.  
>"WHAT?" Jac said, resting her hands on her hips.<p>

"I was just going to say that there's a patient down on Darwin that needs some serious attention, but as you too are already very busy…" Greg replied, smirking slightly.

"I'll go." Jac answered. Standing there, Greg stole a glance at the duo in front of him; Joseph's features glowed red like burnt embers around the edge of his face, but Jac's expression was one of irritation.

"Isn't there a village missing your presence?" She sneered.

* * *

><p><em>I see the guard, poised and ready – looking for me. I rejoice as I finally got what I wanted, her, it had always been her. I had watched her colleagues find her abused body and I had laughed, laughed to the deepest part of my soul. Then, I sneaked away, knowing no one will catch me. <em>

_I tiptoe quietly nearer to security, the glistening object in his back pocket just what I need. Now I had won my reward, I am ready. Ready to accomplish my final act. But, how I shall do it? I wonder. I come to the realisation that I am delighted at. It is brilliant. Swiftly, I snatch the handcuffs from the man's trouser compartment and hurry away without a sound. The guard not even knowing. I know my mission. I head up the stairs._

* * *

><p>Back on Darwin, the isolated cries of a baby alerted Jac from her impaired senses; the maternal instincts rose, but she fought them and won. Her brow furrowed, and, dropping the carefully prepared notes onto the silver desk, stood up, glancing inconspicuously around. <em>This is all I need! <em>Slowly, she walked the distance from the centre to the side room. Jac's eyebrows rose. For, in the middle of the space was, low and behold, a baby's pram – the agitated screaming issuing from inside. Walking over, Jac lifted the black sheet from above the buggy, revealing a wailing Indie, and rolled her eyes.

"Poor kid." Jac murmured to herself. Carefully, she picked him up, a cute baby to any onlooker, yet a dangerous substance to Jac's scrutinizing eyes. "So, is your mum to busy sweetening up the Swede? God, I've ended up…" Jac shuddered. "Babysitting." Indie's yells softened down at Jac's warm touch and a small smile formed around the corners of her mouth. "Ha, why don't we go and find your mum before either someone sees me, you explode, or I kill myself?"

* * *

><p>Jac ascended the stairs with tainted dignity, her elegant hand draped carefully around Indie and her eyes examined the newly calmed baby; he had found her heart once before - know was no different.<p>

"Why is Sahira so hard to find?" She mumbled to herself. Jac stopped to pat the toddlers back, her green eyes still hostile, willing for his mum to return. "Where is my incompetent registrar, the only time she is actually needed and she's nowhere to be seen!"

Reaching the third floor, the buggy in her left hand and Indie in her right, Jac heard the sound of echoing footsteps. Edging nearer and nearer. Jac turned to see the approaching visitor. That's when a hand struck her hard. She stumbled blindly and fell to the ground, only managing to avoid crushing the wailing baby in her arms. She had, in a terrified moment, let go of the pram – it slid quickly down the stairs, its contact with the wall releasing a loud bang. Jac could taste the blood in her mouth. Her eyes refused to open. Protectively, Jac cradled Indie, but the attacker snatched the toddler roughly from her arms. Her face throbbing, Jac rose to her feet, her eyes gradually opening, glancing at the man in front of her for the first time. Pete. Holding the baby.

_I hold the baby in my arms. Now, what shall I do? I could "accidently" drop him down the stairs, but I have nothing against the mother of this child, it is obviously not Jacqueline's. Any child of hers would be the devil, and that baby will deserve to die – unlike this one who is crying for its mum. Jackie is terrified; I can see it in her face although she tries to hide it with a spiteful sneer. I advance towards her and she takes a step back, afraid. Oh, the fear in her eyes is what I want! _

"I'm surprised you had the guts to come back here." Jac said, her insides trembling as Pete walked towards her.

"Well… I had some unfinished business to attend to." Pete stroked the toddler's head, his menacing fingers aching with uncontrollable lust. He finally stretched them out, heaving a contented sigh, and turned to face his victim. Jac watched his movements with the upmost intensity, cataloguing them in her mind.

"Do you remember what you did to me?" Jac was overpowered by a sudden wave of déjà vu.  
>"Yes, with great clarity." Pete responded, his right hand placed firmly on Indie's head.<p>

"It was sick. Wrong."

Pete smiled.

"No, no it wasn't. You, Ms Naylor, need serious help." Jac crossed her arms, her shield defences securely bordering her body.

"What I need is for you to give me Indie and I can get back to work." Jac uttered, her eyes transfixed onto those of her attackers as he advanced towards her. Her back know pressed onto the wall behind, Pete leered, his arm above her head.

"What this little thing? That depends." Jac raised her eyebrows, still trembling.

"On what?"

"That you do what I say." Pulling out a concealed knife from his jacket pocket, Pete held it up to the light, as did his wife before him, then positioned it between Jac and Indie's throat. "You wouldn't want anything to happen to this little boy would you? I mean, your colleague would be mad…" Jac closed her eyes in defeat and sighed through her teeth.

"What do you want?" Jac asked, fearful for the safety of the baby left in her care.

"For you to come with me."

"Where?"

"Oh, just to the roof." Pete smirked as Jac squirmed under his looming body, obviously giving in.

"Fine. But I want to leave Indie here." Pete turned, gestured to the nearest door, and stood aside to let Jac pass. Instead of entering the room, Jac walked slowly down the stairs, wary of the knife Pete held, and fetched the still intact pram. Placing Indie safely in the blankets of the buggy, she pushed it into the cleaner's cupboard and closed the door, Pete waiting outside.

"Right Indie, I can't believe I'm saying this, but you are my only chance. Scream, scream loudly, I don't care if you wake up Hanssen from his coffin, just do it." The baby blinked as if he could comprehend, his hazel nut eyes staring intentionally at Jac's terrified face, his small gurgles stopping. Jac silently took off her pager, knowing that someone would require her, and placed it by Indie's feet. Next, she searched for a pen amongst the various cleansing bottles, and, after finding one, took a piece of paper from her pocket and wrote one single word.

"Hurry up!" Pete yelled, his voice slightly muffled by the wooden door. Sighing, Jac returned into her captor's sight, preparing herself for what was to come.

* * *

><p>One floor down, Sahira Shah rested her eyes on the empty side room and dropped what she was holding.<p>

* * *

><p><em>I am so scared, not that I will deliberately show any weakness to this man, he rejoices at it. I don't know what he is planning, or why our destination is the roof, but I know there are bad reasons behind everything he does. <em>

_Joseph. I nearly kissed him! And then there's Ollie, my incompetent F2 than I sometimes sought comfort with. He can be an idiot at times, but at least he didn't leave me. Are they going to see me die, today, at the hands of an old acquaintance? I have to think of a way to get out - I have to do it alone. I have always been alone. And it has worked pretty well up to know._

* * *

><p>In Darwin, Sahira Shah had requested the help of Greg Douglas and Joseph Byrne to locate Indie. They had already searched the entire ward, and she was starting to panic. Where could he be?<p>

* * *

><p>Pete and Jac ascended the final step and came to the roof. The sun gleamed ironically in the cloudless sky, the light bathing them in a pool of sallow. Taking a pair of handcuffs from his pocket and returning the knife to its home, Pete snatched Jac's arms, resisting the struggle she made.<p>

"What are you doing?" Jac yelled, her futile attempts to tear her arms away reducing her energy.

"Now, I wouldn't want you to run away do I Jackie?" Pete answered. He fastened the metal "cage" to Jac's white arm and then to his own, placing the key safely on a necklace around his neck. Calmly, he walked over to the border of the building, Jac following behind, swallowing when they came to a stop.

"Pete?" She said softly. Looking down, Jac could see the bustling street below, filled with patients and doctors alike, the loud wailing of the many ambulances quietening as the sound reached her.

"Here we are Jacqueline, you and me, at Deaths Edge."

* * *

><p>In a cleaners cupboard five floors away, a baby screamed.<p>

* * *

><p><strong>There you go! Hope it was alright! :D PLEASE REVIEW! :D :D FUNNY SCENE IDEAS NEEDED FOR FOLLOWING CHAPTERS! :D<strong>


	7. Time of Death 5:00pm

Sahira Shah strolled conscientiously through the hospital, her eyes frantic, and her mind wary. Joseph (who accompanied her) couldn't tear apart the war zone in his head, nor the anger that infiltrated his usually tough senses. Jac was the sole object of his desire, her presence was burned into the back of his mind, and engraved on the outer casing of his heart, and now his love for her was reignited. Quickly, Oliver followed behind the duo, mastering his thoughts with unsuccessful outcomes.

They had nearly reached the third floor when the cries of a baby awoke Sahira into a new sense of relief. Joseph and Miss Shah shared a glance for a second before rushing of to the cause of the noise. Oliver, with delayed reactions, chased after, his brilliant blue eyes shining with determination. It took only seconds.

Throwing open the door, Sahira gasped in reprieve and took the child in her arms with a motherly adoration that only Joseph new of. Slowly, she kissed his forehead, her eyes closed, savouring the warmth as they reunited.

"God, thank you." She whispered, as she felt Indie's breath on her neck. Oliver narrowed his eyes as they focused on a black object besides the baby's pram. Confused, he edged nearer, stopped at the foot of the buggy and picked up the mysterious entity.

A pager.

Jac's pager.

"It's Ms Naylor's." Ollie said, his finger running over the faded name. Sahira frowned.

"What's it doing here?" Oliver shrugged and turned to Joseph who was looking as equally confused. Joe edged nearer, and then stepped back as something crumbled underneath his leather boot; he reached down and it unrolled.

**Roof**

**Pe**

Oliver raised an uncertain eyebrow, a feeling of confusion edged into his features at the odd wording. Showing Sahira, Joseph surveyed the faded note for a second, but gained no further insight.

"Pe…?" Oliver wondered out loud.

"It looks half done." Sahira mumbled, bouncing Indie on her hip, his jubilant giggles almost mocking the situation incredibly.

"It's Jac's writing." Joseph said suddenly, thrusting the paper forward and staring at the pager cradled in Oliver's hands.

* * *

><p>Jac gulped, her mind racing, her eyes and feet both transfixed, one to the bold safeness of the ground and the other scanning the rushing cars below. Slowly, Pete dragged one foot over the edge, watching Jac, testing her. Jac shook to her very core, and her life began to unravel, the many betrayals, the endless mistakes, a little girl all alone, it began to flash before her eyes. In an instant, she wasn't on the roof anymore, she was at her father's funeral, then to the day her mother left, and then to her care home. Shaking her head almost violently, Jac willed the memories to disappear and for her rational thoughts to return – though it was almost impossible.<p>

"I like it up here." Pete whispered in her ear. "The space, the great open space, and the air, the air that hits you so fast you almost pass out… This is my territory Jacqueline. My destiny."

"I many have seriously overestimated your common sense." Jac retorted casually, her defence mechanism.

"Ha! Look, sweetheart, I may have overestimated your Ice-Queen shield… nothing rattles you does it? I bet you don't even have a heart." Pete replied, testing her patience further.

"Well, whatever you and the majority of my colleagues may think, I do have a heart… I just left it in the freezer. So, if you want to put a dent in this cold, dead thing shrivelled up inside, you would have to get a microscope. " Jac crossed her arms, yanking Pete across, in short-lived triumph - for he had, after seconds, started clapping.

"Oh, well done, Ms Naylor, well done… full marks! I see you still own one vengeful tongue."

"Well, I'll be sure to have it amputated for you…" Pete smiled again disdainfully. He closed his eyes, relishing the blank the blackness provided, though soon his mind was infiltrated by memories. Pete sighed.

"My father died like this. He was so still, so peaceful." He said quietly. Jac smirked.

"Well, he wasn't going be tap dancing was he?"

"No… But we won't either when this is all over."

* * *

><p>"We need to get a search party of get security! If I had even contemplated the danger she was in, I could have prevented this! I don't understand why anyone… why she… If anything happens to her I…" Joseph rambled rapidly, the words rolling over his tongue before he could even consider the consequences. The palms of his hands sweated, and he yanked at his collar in discomfort.<p>

"Look Joseph, calm down, we don't know what's happened to Jac yet… this may just be a huge misunderstanding." Sahira suggested rationally, yearning for a simple solution to meet her fears. Oliver nodded in response, hopeful, blue eyes reflecting the ragged form of his colleague.

"And you're going to sit here and do nothing?" Joseph arched his back, his arms perpendicular to his shoulders, his fists repetitively clenching. The thoughts in his head were a blur of motion, clashing at incontrollable speeds, and his emotions battled through the crash in his mind respectively, though the opposing sides did contrast.

"No… Ollie will inform Darwin of our absence… and we will find Jac." Sahira replied softly, after seeing Joseph's eyes bulge and blaze with apprehension.

_Jac means a lot to this man. I have only known him for a couple of hours and I can tell that there is history there_ _– just by the tension, the awkwardness and the raw emotions when they are together._

_I had thought Jac incapable of love, and, as far as I know, she has yet to prove me wrong. However, I know nothing of Jac; her private life is what it says on the tin… private. Home and work are completely different things to her, and they should never mix. For all I know, she could have a little child running around the place, though I doubt that – from what I can see, she isn't that type of person. _

_I have always longed to discover why Jac is the way she is, and I still don't know the whole picture. The drama that happened today is still a mystery to me; I can see that there are still things that she is hiding, still things that are locked way – perhaps forever. It makes her feel scared and angry and useless, she bights back when there is no where left to turn, and I feel sorry for her._

_And this man, Joseph Byrne, son of the deceased lord, he differs from Jac greatly, although there is a still a strong underlining layer of anger that they both share, that they both endure. He gets panicked easily and from the way he keeps readjusting his cufflinks, I think he suffers from Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, though this I need to confirm. _

_I try not to ask much of Jac's life outside the hospital, and she is still a mystery to me. She can be a real bitch at times, but, as far as I can tell, she has been through a lot and I need to help my colleagues find her._

* * *

><p>Jac inhaled, the wing blasted her face like a wave, slowly taking her under; it whistled in her ears, the noise penetrating. Pete had been surveying the scenery around him, taking one final look at the place that he would soon leave. The end of Jac's live nearing, a lone bird song hit her ears, it was filled with sorrowful tune; the robin was unaccompanied. Jac tried to take it all in, the sounds the smells, the feelings inside her, but her mind was blank now… blank with fear.<p>

* * *

><p>Sahira, after handing Indie to Oliver, hurried up the stairs, Joseph racing in front of her. His foot began to echo from each step, and Joseph steadfastly looked ahead, willing himself to run faster. Before it was too late.<p>

* * *

><p>Pete sighed for the final time, this was it.<p>

* * *

><p>Jac's colleagues had reached the 5th floor, the clock was ticking. TICK TOCK. TICK TOCK. It mocked Joseph's ears.<p>

* * *

><p>Her captor glanced at Jac and smiled. <em>Finally.<em> He thought.

* * *

><p>Joseph exhaled – they had one floor to go.<p>

* * *

><p>Pete slowly rose one foot and it hovered over the edge; he waved to the world, still smiling.<p>

Then the door opened.

Joseph barged through, splinters puncturing his skin; Pete reeled back in surprise, and Jac lurched with him. Her persona switched almost instantly, her eyes narrowed and she stared blankly at her saviours. Sahira followed her colleague through and, pushing the hair out of her dark eyes, surveyed the scene around her. Jac's locks was matted and her dignity as broken as her heart that held her many secrets. Joseph clenched his fists and stepped forward suddenly.

"STOP!" He yelled, defensive. Pete smirked, turning to Jac.

"Oh Jackie, you do have some brave colleagues don't you? Weird really…" Sahira edged closer, wary.

"Look Pete, if you calm down, we can help you, sort this out." She said quietly, her tone soft and caring. Pete raised a disgusted eyebrow and spat at her nearing frame.

"Sort what out? There is nothing to sort! God, what do you have to do to get people to understand around here?" He shouted to the world. Sahira nodded carefully and motioned for Joseph to stay put, though his agitated mind urged him to fight in protest.

"Ok, so if you don't want to talk, what do you want?" Pete laughed and he shook his head incredulously.

"To die." Sahira's brow furrowed in perplexity, her mind circling helicopter blades.

"Then why take Jac?" She asked.

"I need someone to replace me, and she is perfect for the job." Pete patted Jac forcefully on the shoulder, and suddenly wrenched her arm upwards. He chuckled darkly as Jac screamed in pain, and, ignoring the threatening looks from Joseph, took another step closer to the edge. Jac gulped, her heart fluttered widely, her insides gummed up with fear. Sahira inhaled, opened her mouth for a calming remark, but, Joseph interrupted, the muscles in his arms twitching with rage.

"I don't understand, perfect for what? I don't know how you can even justify what you are doing…" He spoke hurriedly, barely considering the words that rolled easily across his tongue. Pete licked his lips, and glanced at his wristwatch before speaking again.

"To go to hell, because honestly, she won't go to heaven will she? So, instead of me going to hell, I'm gonna send her instead." He flashed a conceited smile and winked at Joseph. Sahira ignored this gesture with a swift wave of her hand, she took a step forward and her eyes softened as she watched the criminal.

"We have people that can help Pete, all you have to do is to let them – we'll get a team down for you and…" Anger. Such anger crossed his mind. Pete's expression contorted into a massacre of fury, it spread towards his hands and they formed fists.  
>"NO! I don't want someone looking after me like some kind of animal!"<p>

"Ok, ok… we won't do that then, but we can help you, whatever way you like it." Sahira replied.

"Oh god, you people treat us like children, my foster daughter Jacqueline understands, don't you?" Pete exclaimed, his voice as dry as dust.

Suddenly, a noise erupted into the open space, making the party turn their heads in unison to the source way below them. The hollowly accent flew threw them like a ghost, though its pang of authority came with a welcoming sense of reprieve.

"MR BULK, I SINCERELY ADVISE YOU TO RELEASE MS NAYLOR IMMEDIATELY AND PROCEED TO THE GROUND FLOOR WHERE SECURITY WILL MEET YOU. IF YOU DO NOT AGREE TO THESE TERMS, I'M AFRAID THAT WE WILL HAVE TO INFORM THE POLICE, AND I DO NOT DESIRE TO DO THAT."

Henrik Hanssen held the megaphone up to his lips in hope. Gathered around his tall frame, was a dozen of his colleagues, all worriedly awaiting Jac's fate. Amongst them was Sacha Levy, his breathing hurried and laboured, he found himself unable to speak; the crowd was drawn into an eerie silence. The clock ticked once again. TICK TOCK. TICK TOCK. Henrik brought a slightly shaking hand to his forehead and wiped the sweat from his brow, he closed his eyes, his mind turning to wonder what tomorrow's morning papers would read.

* * *

><p><strong>INNOCENT DOCTOR HORRENDOUSLY MURDERED BY DERANGED PATIENT AT SCANDLE HOSPITAL.<strong>

_Ms Jacqueline Naylor, a prominent surgeon at Holby City General Hospital, was brutally murdered by a mentally unstable patient yesterday at 5:00pm. The patient is believed to be a Mr Peter Arthur Bulk, a multiple offender, and, after the ruthless attack, committed suicide shortly after…_

* * *

><p>Sahira groaned and bowed her head in despair.<p>

"Henrik..." Pete glanced around and raised an eyebrow mockingly.

"That boss of yours, he speaks his mind doesn't he?" Sahira placed both of her trembling hands onto her face and let the wave of torment wash over her expression.

"Please Pete, for your sake as much as Ms Naylor's." She begged, her hands now held in a tilted prayer. Pete rolled his eyes.

"Fine, all you had to do was to ask nicely." He yanked Jac's tremulous arm towards him and, taking the key from his neck, unlocked the metal prison that his captive had been held in. "There you go. Go on then, run along, join your friends."

Jac stumbled towards her colleagues with what energy she had left; her breathing became less strenuous, though the sudden surge of dread was still encased inside her stomach. Joseph ran forward and she strengthened at his welcoming touch, her heart continuously beating. Sahira exhaled in relief and walked forward too, though she was hesitant. Quickly, Joseph placed his arm around Jac's diminutive waist and nodded a small thanks to Sahira. The anxiety that had infiltrated his senses dispersed, and a small smile escaped his lips.

Then a piercing scream filled the air. It was strident, slashing through the atmosphere at uncontrollable decibels. The trio threw their hands to their ears in a desperate action; Sahira fell to her knees. A loud ear-splitting crack shortly followed. The people below gasped in incredulity at the mangled form at the base of the building. Blood. So much blood. It seeped from the fatal wound on his head. Uncongealed, it oozed onto the pavement, painting the surroundings red. His limp figure was deathly white, his eyes open in a dead trance.

Pete.

He had jumped.

* * *

><p><strong>20 minutes later…<strong>

"So, do I get a thank you or are you just going to walk away?" Joseph asked casually, smiling. Jac hid behind a rueful smirk, letting the silence surround them as they stood, facing one another. She raised an eyebrow.

"Yes, because that's really gonna work Joe. I thought you would know me better by know." Joseph laughed and placed an uncertain hand on her elbow, inhaling. His eyes echoed a sense of calming serenity, the vast blueness softening as Jac stared back. To Joseph, she looked so beautiful, but the sadness in her expression made him falter – it came with a defeated presence. Hesitant, Jac leaned in, closing her eyes and Joseph responded valiantly. Their lips touched gently, and there was a moment of surprise, before the kiss deepened. She linked her arms around his head, transferring the intensity from her emotion conquered mind to the loving man in front of her. Joseph's hands were on her waist, stroking adoringly her back and sides. There was no one to interrupt them now…

* * *

><p><strong>A day later.<strong>

Dan Hamilton tweaked his chequered top with precise movements, his cocky exterior never failed to bemuse patients, and this image is what shrouded the underlining fear of his sexuality. His tongue ran over his perfectly straight row of teeth, and he smiled at his fiancé from across the ward. Checking his wristwatch casually, he gathered his notes and walked to Keller desk. Oliver ran over, holding up his hand in greeting. Jac looked up at the united duo, and her gaze quickly fell back to the computer screen.

The metallic bed that held John Bulk creaked under the increase pressure it was handling, and the white pillow under the patient's head made his consciousness melt into oblivion. The hospital was dark and dismal to his eyes, even though the brightness of the walls and equipment. Carelessly, a book John had read an hour before was sprawled across his bed in a disgruntled manner. The beeps of the many machines around him seemed to be mocking - his health was slowly deteriorating. John's mind turned to his parents in quick succession, and he vowed never to see them again, not after what they did to his doctor. Groaning in pain, he clutched at his side and squirmed under the neatly tucked duvet. Stealing a glance at Jac, a short-lived smile spread across his face – she was attractive to say the least, and she had been through too much.

"How's Mr Bulk?" Dan asked, glancing at the television character with interest. Jac raised her eyebrows, a smile threatening to destroy her Ice-Queen shield.

"It sounds like you fancy him Mr Hamilton." She replied, her eyes still staring intently on the surgery list for the week. Dan's eyes widened exceptionally, his guilty conscience rattling his senses.

"No!" He said rapidly. "That is ridiculous…" Dan pulled edgily on his collar, and he purposely avoided looking anywhere near his colleagues. Jac smirked, reading his expression.  
>"Well, I'm sorry to spoil your wedding plans, but I think it's illegal... Oh, and I reckon he's taken by Velma Dinkley over there." Jac aimed a slender finger at Sacha, who, at that very moment, was modelling a black pair of glasses that belonged to the nearest patient. Dan willed himself to regain some confidence, and that the emotions battling in his mind would end.<p>

"On the contrary, Ms Naylor, I think he fancies you." Jac rolled her eyes, frowning.

"Ergh." She muttered, and looked up. In that moment, her eyes met Johns and he twisted away in discomfort. Dan laughed.

"Don't be such a cynic." He said, barely keeping the whine out of his voice. Jac cocked her head for a swift moment, her mouth contorted into a disgusted grimace.

"Yeah, what the world needs right now is love, sweet love… Spare me. What Mr Bulk needs right now is a new kidney." She replied. Dan raised an eyebrow, perplexed.

"You don't have a romantic bone in your body do you?" He asked in disbelief.

"You should know, you're the bone monkey's boss." Oliver turned angrily towards Jac, flashes of rage agitating his eyes. He raised his hand in a clenched fist, and gritted his teeth.

"Because I switched mentors doesn't mean that you can shout useless abuse at Mr Hamilton from the rooftops." Jac looked down at her notes, suppressing a smirk.

"My My, have you finally made yourself a full set of vertebrae Dr Valentine? Or did you have Mr Hamilton to help?" Dan opened his mouth to protest, do no avail, as Oliver swiftly cut him of, his fury sparring with his rational sense.

"Bitch." Ollie said, this time, unlike countless over attempts, to his ex mentor's face. Dan stood in-between them as a physical barrier and he quickly held up his hands in warning.

"Whoa guys, calm down you don't want to break something do you?" Dan exclaimed, glancing at the pair. Jac tilted her head, her eyebrows raised, her hands poised out flat. "Yes, like you can't fix it bob the builder." She said sarcastically.

"Yes he can!" Luc Hemingway said. He snatched some disregarded notes from the desk, and adjusted his tie with a swift movement of his other hand. His colleagues glared, aggravated by his care-free attitude. Luc glance up. "I'm sorry, wrong time?"

Silence.

"I thought it was quoting hour… evidently I was wrong… which isn't good as I was going to move onto James Bond next…" Jac placed her hands on her hips and smiled cheerlessly. Luc tapped his notes. "Oh, please continue…" He sat, resting, onto the desk, crossed his arms, and waited expectantly, apparently satisfied with the mood.

"No, I don't think that's a good idea…" Dan replied, motioning for Ollie to follow him. Jac scowled at their retreating forms, now in half-shadow, before turning back to the screen.

"What?" She barked. Luc suppressed a smile.

"I wasn't actually aware that my mouth had moved…" He stalked away and, recoiling at the lift, disappeared behind the nearest door.

* * *

><p><strong>3 hours later…<strong>

The sombre crowd stood in silence, eyes swollen with saturated grief - ghosts of their previous selves. Softly, the music rose above to the heavens, purifying even the darkest of souls. The weather was dismal; a tongue of lightning licked between the clouds, bullets of rain rinsed the black sea below. Tombstones lined the austere ground, their stone memorials lasting far longer then the life buried beneath.

The rosewood coffin encased a young corpse that lay in satin finery, her lacquered hair and waxen lips a poor mimicry of life. She had been identified by her colleagues, and a formal investigation had pursued. Now, her limp hand rested neatly on the flat of her stomach, her once life filled eyes closed, her body ice.

Jac's shoulders slumped under the weight of Death's hand. The wind battled her fiery hair furiously, and it no longer rested blissfully on her shoulders, it danced around her face; she made no attempt to bat it away. The emotions racing through her mind conquered all, the guilt, the shame. Although her face stayed impassive, inside differed greatly. Her body was as stiff as the porcelain statues on each side of the casket, though this didn't bother her, in fact, she welcomed it.

Joseph was standing next to her, his blue, deep eyes, like disrupted oceans, never leaving Jac's face. The gloves he wore on his hands transferred some warmth to his numb fingers, and his black coat hugged the shivering body underneath. Slowly, he lifted his arm around Jac's shoulders; she looked up at him, her head tilted slightly in an unspoken question.

The service was unforgettable, a mixture of tears and laughter from colleagues as they shared memories. Chantelle was effected most of all, her cries silenced the group for a couple of minutes at a time, before the awkward chatter began again.

After a while, Jac shrugged Joseph of, and departed from the crowd. Throwing a stone by the grave, she whispered a final goodbye and walked away. Her figure grew darker in the coming night as her coat billowed around her ankles, and Joseph just stood there, his feet transfixed to the ground.

Jac closed her eyes, drowning in the vast sea of emotions; she waited for the cloudiness to return, wondering what the next day would bring.


	8. Tainted Love

**Hello again. I am really really really really really sorry that is has been SUCH a long time... I have been pretty busy lately though. Really really long chapter and probably the LAST ONE! DA DA DAAAAAAAAAAA! PLEASE REVIEW AS IT IS THE LAST ONE! (Maybe) Enjoy :) x**

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><p>Jac Naylor strolled conscientiously through the narrow corridors of the bustling hospital, her walk not a defeated limp, as it was a day before, but a confident strut – although her dignity was slightly tainted, yet again, if any onlooker peered into the black, enclosed pram she was steering. Harry Byrne giggled contentedly, his eyes, as if they could comprehend, sensing the pure discomfort in his guardians manner. Entering Darwin ward, Oliver approached them, with a folder in hand, to, perhaps, inform his mentor of a new case; he stopped short as soon as he perceived that the object in front of him was indeed a pushchair. Quickly, he turned to glance at the child inside, and, rather peculiarly, he did not pause to play with the toddler, but curved to face Jac.<p>

"What's that?" Oliver exclaimed, his expression one of incredulous confusion.

"I don't know, they were handing them out at Mark and Spencer's for every fifty pounds spent." Jac responded sarcastically, for this was her way. Oliver rolled his eyes fairly discreetly (though Jac observantly had noticed) and chose to ignore the reply.

"What's he doing on the ward?"

"He couldn't fit in my locker." Jac answered, staring up at Oliver with the upmost seriousness. Oliver raised his eyebrows exasperatedly and waited for the real answer to be revealed. "He's Josephs. He has a heart and lung transplant with Mr Hanssen today. So I ended up with him." Oliver glanced at her, astonished, with a sceptical tone creeping into his voice.

"You?" He said. Jac's features became suddenly aggressive, her arms were brought into a perpendicular stance and her knuckles clenched. _I can actually look after a child!_

"Yes me!"

"What are you going to do with him?" Oliver replied, wary of his mentor's sudden mood change.

"I'm going to eat him, what do you think I'm going to do with him?"

* * *

><p>Tiger skins of light reflected of the silver scalpel as Joseph Byrne made an incision through the sternum. The machines around him beeped in protest, but, as diligent as ever, he continued, his brow dripping with sweat.<p>

"Right, put him on bypass." He muttered to the nurse beside him and she nodded obediently. Greg inhaled nervously, though Hanssen failed to show any emotion as he glanced at the patient impassively. Exhaling as no bleeping of the machines greeted him angrily, Greg watched Joseph with the upmost curiosity.

"So Agent Byrne, who's the mistress in disguise?" Greg smiled mischievously. Joseph looked suddenly startled, his defences only just rebuilding.

"Excuse me?" He answered abruptly. Greg, bemused, readjusted his scalpel slightly and continued.

"Come on, it's not like nobody's noticed… the mysterious phone calls, the unexpected presents… there's bound to be a women… unless you've suddenly developed multiple personalities…. so come on, who you shagging?" Joseph blushed, his heartbeat quickened in pace, his mind raced for an appropriate answer. Fortunately, he didn't need one.

"Mr Douglas, I sincerely advise you to concentrate on the matter in hand as we do not want this patient to die on the table like a drunken Irishman." Henrik Hanssen interrupted, his steely tone echoing of the walls of the small theatre. Greg rolled his eyes and winked at Joseph.

"Damn it, I ran out of garlic." He whispered.

* * *

><p>Jac held Harry awkwardly on her hip, his tiny fists clutching her curled hair. She smiled and her tensed body relaxed as she stood, staring at Joseph's child. Her features softened and she glanced at the dilapidated poster on the far wall.<p>

CHILDREN'S CHRISTMAS

PARTY

2PM – 4PM

IN THE CRECHE

TOYS, GAMES, PRESENTS & FUN

COME ALONG AND MEET SANTA!

Suddenly, her mind was engulfed with past memories and unwanted feelings. Dismissing them with a quick shake of her head, Jac hissed at herself. Harry, during his brief experience on Darwin, had not uttered a single cry, he sat in Jac's arms in utter contentment – she was warm and soft, he could feel her beating heart and the hidden goodness emitting from her slender frame. He giggled happily, his small fingers now tracing the soft outline of his guardian's cheekbones and Jac, in return, stoked the toddler's head carefully.

An abandoned stethoscope had been thrown onto the staff desk, adjacent to the neatly stacked notes that had arrived that morning; they were perfectly together, the edges of the paper touching slightly. Jac smirked knowingly. Joseph was here. A silent, yet welcomed, light veiled the minimum ward, the ticking of the golden clock was the only sound that broke the silent warzone – its continuous noise marking each passing second that Joseph was gone. Jac paced around the desk, sighing. She glanced at Harry for a long moment before resuming her walk.

"I can see why your mother left - you're not the most scintillating of company are you?" She remarked to the child, checking her wristwatch impatiently.

Sacha raised an eyebrow as he entered Darwin, he tugged at his scrubs and his face broke unto an adoring smile. Heading over to the unlikely duo, he gazed into Jac's velvet eyes, managing for the stare not to be returned by the Ice-Queen. They looked enlightened, happy even, though they shrouded the emotion of undying fear – behind those darkened pupils were memories unknown to her colleagues. Sacha exhaled as he examined Jac thoroughly – her auburn hair was beautifully curled and her clothes were new, far from matted, they emanated a welcoming sense of hope. Slowly, Sacha reached them, he bent down and stroked Harry's chin.

"Hello who's this then?" He asked thoughtfully. Jac smiled.

"His name's Harry." She said softly, glancing at the boy cradled in her arms.

"Voldemorts finally kidnapped you then, eh?" Sacha replied. Jac playfully hit him on the shoulder with her spare hand, her face contorted into a mask of faked hurt.

"You are very lucky that this is my day of."

Michael Spence strolled up to them, regarding the child with a swift nod of the head, his face unshaven and his dignity shattered.

"Aww, if I'd known, I would have got you two a present." Michael smirked, and Jac grimaced as he walked away.

* * *

><p>Though wary of Hanssen standing solemnly behind him, Greg smirked at Joseph mischievously, resisting the urge to wink.<p>

"There." Joseph muttered, concentrating unwaveringly. Hanssen remained silent, lulled by the noise of the machines. "That should do it." Joseph squirmed under Greg's unwavering stare, and, having had enough, carefully peeled of his gloves and walked away. "Close up Mr Bertson please Mr Douglas." He said after.

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><p>Sacha turned to face Jac again, his glistening blue eyes revealing his pondering mind.<p>

"I was thinking…" He started. "As a thank you for the whole Chrissie thing, that maybe we could go out for a drink?" Jac raised an eyebrow and her face instantly hardened.

"What is it like having the memory of a brain-damaged fish?" Sacha frown slightly, crossing his arms. "I don't do bars anymore." Jac remarked, shaking her head and sighing exasperatedly. Sacha refused to be defeated - his sapphire eyes, like deserted seas, glinted with steely determination.

"Please Jac it would mean the world to me, and besides, I need to repay you." He argued. Jac cocked her head.

"No." She replied, her tone resolute with malice. Sacha was unaffected by his colleague's harsh exterior, so, instead, he reached into his pocket and pulled out a red and white hat.

"I am Sacha Claus… I spread goodwill to all." He replied, placing the hat onto his head, his expression deadly serious, though nearly breaking. Jac rolled her eyes, a small smile creeping onto her face.

"Fine…" She muttered. Sacha beamed at her, awkwardly took her into a small hug, careful of the child, and stepped back, triumphant.

"So, you are coming?" He asked in disbelief.

"No Sacha, I'm climbing the Alps with a three-legged horse." Jac answered, sarcasm greatly layered into words.

"Great, I will see you outside at about… eight?" Jac nodded, her dominant emotion bemusement.

"Ok, but promise me something…" She said slowly. Sacha stared down at her.

"Anything." Jac smiled.

"Please, for the sanity of myself and your many reindeer, please do not sing."

* * *

><p>Joseph spent seven minutes exactly, (he had counted on his watch), washing his hands. He loved the soapy liquid, how it felt on his seemingly dirty palms – it wiped away his feelings of guilt… pressure…love. Startled from the noise issuing from his pocket, Joseph scooped his phone from his trousers and stared at the message on the screen.<p>

**Hey.**

**Meet me at 8:00 outside for a drink with Sacha.**

**I don't know how I will survive on my own…**

**Dropped Harry of with Chantelle… I don't know how he will cope…**

**God help him.**

**Jac x**

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><p>"We….. wish you a merry Christmas, we wish you a merry Christmas, we wish you a merry Christmas….. And….. A happy new year…." Sacha sang lightly, his fingers dancing over the keys on the piano. Jac grimaced, shaking her head, and started tapping her fingers to the rhythm of the music. The harmony had entered the souls of the people that danced, yet Jac sat there, in the middle of this fiasco, taking minute sips from her glass. Joseph hurried over obediently, two new bottles of wine in his already shaking hands.<p>

"So did you go to London for those drinks or…?" Jac said mockingly. Joseph blushed, his face breaking into a small smile, which Jac echoed.

"And this song was dedicated to the wonderful women sat right there in front because she is the most beautiful person in the world, and I can't believe that she's finally mine." Sacha announced to the crowd that had formed around him, his brilliant blue eyes staring lovingly at Chrissie who sat in the centre of the room. Jac rolled her eyes, glancing at Joseph.

"Excuse me while I go stick my fingers down my throat." Jac said sarcastically.

* * *

><p>On Keller ward, Ric Griffin sighed repetitively, staring at the typed letter of application. Hesitating, he pulled out his phone and began slowly typing in an old number, one he never thought he would call again - seconds past as Ric waited for the answer.<p>

* * *

><p>"Are you trying to get me pissed?" Joseph asked Jac plainly. She laughed for a moment before seizing the large bottle of vodka from the table, pouring herself another drink. Hours past in the bar, the population increased and reduced rapidly, along with that the resounding noise and staff. After a while, Jac and Joseph were the only people left. Nobody noticed when they left together.<p>

* * *

><p>Their lips locked in a warzone of unacquainted passion. Jac curled her tingling fingers around the gentle locks on Joseph's head, pushing him nearer her. Joseph responded immediately, his pure fervour pushing Jac roughly onto the next convenient wall, his curious hands lovingly stroking her back and sides, before meeting the black belt around her waist and fiddling with the buckle. Jac's mind went blank, her whole body was a beacon of wondrous ardour; she fiddled with his shirt¸ unbuttoning it - feeling his warm skin and fluttering heartbeat underneath. Jac had soon left him, subconsciously, to the bedroom, their clothes flying everywhere, and, in a tangle of arms and legs, they fell tenderly onto the bed.<p>

Joseph exhaled, somewhat contently, and stared at the women what lay beside him so peacefully. Jac was sound asleep – she looked so startlingly human; Joseph watched her breath, her chest, along with her glistening auburn hair, slowly rising and falling at a steady pace. He rubbed his eye, as if to wipe away the deep guilt. Joseph swallowed as Jac arose from her dreamless slumber and peered at him through half-closed eyes, smiling brilliantly. Carefully, he took her delicate hand in his, and pondered his thoughts, his mouth opening in a wordless expression. Jac instantly knew that something was wrong, her keen eyes now examined Joseph's face intently, and her features were edged with worry.

"Jac… I…" he began, but failed to finish. Jac sighed, closing her eyes, closing out the world.

"I've heard this before… I'm damaged goods right?" Joseph shook his head rapidly, lifting her chin up in his strong hands so that she had to look into his enticing blue eyes again.

"No! Why would you even think that?" Joseph replied, tears glistening behind his pupils.

"Because this is what happens every time, I'm damaged goods, the Ice Queen, never to be touched… or loved…" She answered. Jac let a silent tear dript down her perfect face as the quiet shrouded the lonely house.

"Jac… Penrith still needs a GP, this was only temporary, and I have to go back for…"

"For Harry… I understand that, I even admire it… but…" Jac fiddled with the duvet that encased her slight form.

"Long walks through the hills, log fires, countryside air, I've said it before, what's not to like? Come with me… we will be a family: wife, son dog…" Joseph responded, stoking Jac's shoulder.

"I can't… that's just not me… you know that." Jac said slowly, her voice reduced to a strong whisper. "Please stay." Joseph looked like he was about to be torn apart, his new life and his old one fought for dominance.

"I can't." He murmured softly. Jac tried to stop the tears from arriving, but soon they expressed the emotion that had conquered her life since she was a child.

"I love you." Joseph kissed her gently on the cheek, smelling her scent.

"I love you too."

Seconds turned into minutes before Jac inhaled and shook uncontrollably.

"When you left me the first time, I didn't know who I was anymore, I was lost… and you didn't even send me a postcard or found the time to phone… I thought you didn't care… I thought… well, I didn't know what I thought." Jac confessed wholeheartedly. Joseph went to place a comforting arm around her shoulders, but she shrugged and shook her head, hurt. Jac turned to her bed; back to the man she loved, and buried her head into the pillow, closing her eyes.

"Jac?" Joseph said delicately. With no reply, Joseph twisted round and laid down slowly, the silence not in the least comforting.

"Promise me something." Jac answered after a while, her tone barely audible.

Joseph opened his eyes, listening intently.

"Anything." Jac smiled sadly.

"Don't forget me."

* * *

><p>The morning came too soon. Tiger skins of sunlight filtered through the brown blinds, and bird song filled the air with many emotions. Jac groaned, pushed the hair from out of her face, and opened her eyes. There was an empty space beside where she lay. The shape of the man still pressed into the mattress. He was gone. Forever. Rubbing her head, Jac sat up and a piece of paper on the bedside table caught her eye. Carefully, she opened it up, for it had been folded, and began to read.<p>

_Dear my one and only true love, _

_By the time you are reading this, I'm afraid I would have left for Penrith to my new life with Harry. _

_I will miss you with all my heart, and more. You were the one, Jac. We are so different, but we are meant to be together, I can feel it and, I'm sure if you look into that ice-cold, shrivelled heart of yours, you will realize that too. I love you so much that I can not express it in simple words, it is so futile. _

_We have had differs of opinion in the past certainly, but we have both moved on. Even in those moments, I felt something in the corners of my heart, and now I understand that it was love. It was something that I never had with Faye._

_I don't know if you will forgive me, and you have a right to not… I undoubtedly wouldn't if I was in your place. However, you, Jac, are a mystery to me, a beautiful mystery and a wonderful addition to Holby. A stunning consultant, I always thought you would make it. _

_I promise I will come back for you, when you are ready._

_I don't forget the ones I love. Not ever._

_With all my heart,_

_Joseph x x_

Jac shook, her eyes transfixed to the tear-stained letter; she tried to fight the sadness although it was to no avail. The world fell silent as the Ice-queen cried.

* * *

><p><strong>Five days later.<strong>

Slowly, Jac rummaged in her bag, panicking slightly, and, when her fingers finally closed around the small set of coins, let out a sigh of relief. Jac handed over her money; the women nodded quickly, and Jac grasped her drink with startling quickness. Swiftly, she whipped around to face the many enticing chairs situated in the entrance area. Spotting an empty table, Jac strode across assertively, ignoring the ever-growing sea of whispers that followed her relentlessly. Sipping her drink, Jac closed her eyes, savouring the warmth and the release that the coffee provided; her mind turned blank - no thoughts, no worries. This had become her ritual, that and exercise of course.

Suddenly, a surging feeling of sickness exposed the rising bile in her throat and her stomach churned like an uncontrollable tempest. Jac placed a hand in front of her quivering mouth, fighting the nausea steadfastly. Her head issued thumps of noise, and the world swam around her in a blur of colour. Vomiting chaotically, Jac reached for the serviette wrapped around her coffee and wiped her mouth. Quickly, when the queasiness had ended, her vision cleared and her eyes met two now-covered shoes. "Oh… this looks familiar… oh yes… this is what I did when I first saw you as well." A tall, dark-haired man dressed in a Hawaiian top smiled from the corner of his mouth, lifted his shoes up in distaste and then sat down opposite Jac thoughtlessly. Jac gathered herself for a few moments, then straitened her back and stared at the man that was smirking triumphantly at her.

"Clifford." She muttered. Dan cocked his head playfully.

"Clifford…hmm… no "Mr"anymore Olive? Downgrading is a very harsh sentence indeed." He replied, his expression deadly serious. Jac crossed her arms, her eyes glinted angrily.

"What are you doing here?" Dan smirked, pleased at his old colleague's reaction.

"I've come to win you back from the depths of your icy heart." He said blatantly. Jac looked suddenly alarmed, she raised an eyebrow.

"What?" Dan placed a hand on Jac's shoulder.

"Oh come on Olive, I love you dearly, but you're a bit of a cold fish… Now, this is a very serious question Ms Naylor, do I still need to lock up my grand-dad?" Jac rolled her eyes, shaking her head, and glared at him.

"Oh that's hilarious, top marks for recollection." She responded icily. Dan grinned back.

"Is that how you should speak to your new boss?" He replied, waving an accusing finger. Jac's expression contorted into distressed distaste, and she quickly mastered her self-control once again.

"What!" She almost yelled.

"Ric called me up last night, offered me a job as a consultant on Keller…" Dan responded. He seized her coffee and sipped from it, leaning back on his chair. Jac smirked.

"Well I'm sorry to burst your ignorant, vain little bubble, and I know that you and Ric have a nice little number going, but I don't do upset stomachs and loose bowls anymore. Dan raised his eyebrows questioningly.

"Really? You've moved up in the world Olive. There are five things I admire in a doctor. Collaboration, courage, skill, integrity and an hour glass figure. Four out of five's not bad…" Dan cocked his head, examining Jac, who almost squirmed under his gaze. "Let me see… blue scrubs, malicious smile, cocky exterior… You must be a heart surgeon!" Jac stared him straight in the eye, her expression conceited. "Consultant." She replied.

"Now that's what I call girl power!" Dan answered, his hand firing into the air, forming an inappropriate super-man pose. "So? What now? Are you going to take me forcefully over the table?" Jac grimaced.

"In your dreams." Dan cocked his head, considering and pondering the image.

"I certainly hope not."

Jac threw a glance at him and stormed off to Darwin before she had the chance to break down.

* * *

><p>Jac's thoughts and emotions spread like an unstoppable wild fire, it tore down the trunks of defence that she had grown overtime. She had no control. And Jac hated that. Carefully, she placed a fragile, protective hand over her flat stomach, the sickness fighting it's way back to her, threatening to overwhelm her senses; she swallowed down an army of bile surfacing in her throat and prayed. An abandoned pen lay adjacent to a crumbled piece of paper, a letter that never was, on the mahogany table which rested a finished coffee. An eerie silence shrouded the uncomfortable darkness – only broken by the quiet ticking of the Staff Room's clock. Jac's irritation rose at each infuriating tick, it was mocking her, testing her patience, but she would never give in. She closed her eyes as a silent tear slid down her ashen cheek. Taking a meaningful white object from her pocket, Jac swirled it around her fingers. This single entity that she held so cautiously in her hands, enclosed a startling significance and could change her future forever. This solitary little stick alone could alter thousands, millions, billions of lives… like it would transform her own.<p>

Oliver hesitated as he reached the door, he could see the pure anguish that permeated his colleague and his brow furrowed in concern. His quiet steps were instantly heard by Jac, who turned and stared at his approaching form, her eye's hopeless and empty. Quickly, she wiped her tears away and a sad smile replaced the sullen frown that had taken prime residence on her face. Ollie neared slowly; he placed a seemingly comforting arm around Jac's shoulders, and, his eye's widened as she made no attempt to shrug him of. This woman was broken. Very broken.

"Ms Naylor…" He whispered solemnly. "What's going on?" Jac paused, the truth racing to surface; she pondered Ollie's understanding. She turned to face him and their eyes met that split second. Jac inhaled.

"I…" She started, but failed to finish.

That was a secret best left hidden.

**The End.**

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><p><strong>Hope you enjoyed that! I might continue it if I can be persuaded, or I might come back to it in future (add to it), that may be in a couple of months or more. <strong>

**May I, for the last time, please ask for reviews because I would love to read them! **

**Thankyou, I hope you liked this story. **

**x SaintJacTheNazi x**


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